


Put A Pencil To Your Temple, Connect It To Your Brain.

by imnotchason



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Cute??, Everyone Has Issues, Multi, angsty af, i will keep adding tags so this will get confusing probably, pretty gay??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-11 06:54:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 42,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10458081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotchason/pseuds/imnotchason
Summary: 'alex: did i thank you properly for letting eliza and i sit with you guys at lunch ?? [sent at 15:27]john: define 'properly' ?? [sent at 15:28]'Something about John must be attractive to the new transfer students, because his teachers just keep on sitting them next to him.





	1. Chapter 1

"You can sit here."

John looked up from the World History textbook he'd been taking notes from to see his teacher walking away from the desk next to him, where a skinny, long haired boy was now sitting. Granted, it was first period on the first day back to school after the summer, but John was almost sure he didn't know him. He didn't look familiar, the fact he was clearly a new transfer made even more obvious by the fact the boy was attempting to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room as he unzipped his bag, taking out a notebook and a pencil. A part of John felt sorry for him - transferring to a new school at the start of junior year probably wasn't an easy task - but he knew better than to try and make conversation in the classroom, considering the teacher pretty much constantly required silence.

By the time the new kid had opened his textbook to the right page and begun taking notes, John realised he'd probably been looking long enough for it to be considered staring and turned back to his own work, oddly curious about his new classmate and his apparent ability to write at the speed of light.

_*_

There was another transfer student in John's third period Algebra class, a brunette girl who he heard being referred to as Elizabeth as she was shown to the seat next to him. _Something about me must be attractive to new people today._

About halfway through the class, she looked up from the formula sheet they were studying, confusion evident on her features. It was clear she wanted to ask for help, but was too nervous, so after a moment of contemplation, John leaned towards her.

"Hey, you need help?" She jumped, startled, but looked over at him, smiling with gratitude.

"If you don't mind. I, uh... don't want to bother the teacher, and -"

"You don't have to explain. This stuff isn't easy." They both chuckled, and the tension that had been apparent since the start of the lesson when she sat down eased slightly.

"No."

"Did you say your name was Elizabeth?" She nodded, taking a pause before speaking.

"Eliza."

"Okay, Eliza. I'm John." And, after spending the rest of the class working out quadratic graphs together, John felt he had potentially made a friend.

_*_

They'd been let out of algebra late (something John warned Eliza happened on a regular occaison), so most of the students were already in the cafeteria.

"Do you have someone to sit with?" John asked as they stopped at Eliza's locker on the way to lunch. She shrugged, opening the door to swap her algebra textbook for her English one.

"I mean, I was going to meet my my friend here after class and try and find my sisters, but, being ten minutes late, I assume he went without me." A glance around the hallway proved this to be true.

"Well, if you don't find them, there's a few spare seats at our table."

"Thank you." Eliza took another look up the hallway, but only a handful of students were present and they had all been in their last class.

"I might just take you up on that."

"Eliza!" The two of them turned to see someone run round the corner and towards them. As the figure got closer, John recognised him as the new kid in his World History, and the corner of his mouth lifted slightly in a smile as he skidded to a halt in front of them and Eliza spoke.

"Hey, Alex."

"There you are. Sorry, I needed to -" He stopped talking as he noticed John.

"I sit next to you in, uh..." Eliza looked between John and Alex, her gaze meeting Alexander's briefly with a knowing look in her eye.

"World History. You do. I'm John."

"Alexander." Their hands met in a firm handshake before John turned back to look at Eliza.

"Well, I know you've found a friend now, but that seat at our table is still open should you need it." He turned to look at Alexander.

"To both of you, should you need it."

"I mean, we should probably check where Angelica and Peggy are first..." Something clicked in John's brain as Eliza said that, his gaze falling back onto her.

"Wait, Angelica and Peggy as in Schuyler?" The Schuyler sisters had transferred last year, with Angelica as a junior and Peggy starting as a freshman. This year, Angelica was predicted to graduate with honours and Peggy had joined the cheerleading squad with hopes of it leading to dance opportunities for her in the future. John knew them both somewhat - his social group involved a lot of the cheerleading squad, and Angelica was on the student council with Thomas Jefferson, his friend Lafayette's cousin - but couldn't remember either of them mentioning another sister.

"They're your sisters?" Eliza looked at him.

"You know them?"

"Yeah. Actually, Peggy might be sitting at our table. She's good friends with Maria Reynolds, and she's dating - well, getting naked with - my friend Hercules." As Eliza thought this offer over, with a quick look to Alexander for confirmation, John looked between them both curiously. It was strange to him that Eliza had transferred a year after her sisters, and neither of them had mentioned a third sister before. It was even stranger to him that Alexander had come with her, even though he had no apparent relation to the girls. But who was he to question? He'd only just met them.

"Sitting with you guys sounds good." It was Alexander that spoke, interrupting his flow of thoughts. John looked over at him, finding for the first time that the other boy was smiling.

*

While sitting with Alexander and Eliza at lunchtime, one of the many questions asked was how their timetable had worked out. By the start of fourth period, the table had worked out who was in who's class, and Maria had ushered Eliza off to their English class and Lafayette and his friend Burr had taken Alexander to Biology with them. It turned out that John was in a lot of lessons with Alexander. In fact, apart from Algebra, Biology and Gym, they were together in all of them. So, after the bell rang for fifth period, he ran off to the Biology classroom to find him and take him to English for their double lesson. It took a lot to pry him away from Aaron Burr (who, according to Lafayette, had spent a lot of the lesson loudly trying to understand how Alexander knew the answer to almost every question), but soon enough they were sat at adjoining desks in a stuffy English classroom with battered and vandalised old copies of _Romeo & Juliet_ in front of them.

Their English teacher, a middle aged woman that was far too interested in the plot of most Shakespeare plays for anyone's liking, had set them off on their work about three quarters of an hour in. She'd spent the first forty-five minutes attempting to coax the class to read the play aloud. After the dulcet tones of the class' most enthusiastic (but least engaging) students trying to wrap their words around Shakespeare had sent the majority of the students to sleep, she decided it was time to stop before the damage was too far gone to fix.

To John, the idea of analysing the prologue of the play was tedious at best, but Alexander seemed to know exactly what he was doing **and** was enjoying doing it.

"How do you do that?" About ten minutes into the task, John muttered the question out of the corner of his mouth. He'd only written a couple of sentences, finding it difficult to come up with ideas of what to write about - but somehow the other boy had written two paragraphs and was halfway through his third. Alexander looked up at him in confusion.

"Do what?"

"Write that fast. It shouldn't be possible, man." Alexander smiled, something akin to pride crossing his face.

"It's been the only thing I've really been good at. Y'know? The only thing I've **liked** doing."

"I wish writing was the thing I was good at."

"Why, what's the thing you're good at?" John opened his mouth to speak but then shook his head, thinking better of it. The answer would have only been sports or sex and those accomplishments weren't all that impressive. Not that he wanted specifically to impress Alexander. He just didn't want the first impression he got of him to be a stereotypical high school jock. That wasn't the way to make real friends, John had learned. It was just the way to be popular.

"I don't know, really. I guess that's my point." The other boy chuckled, causing John to involuntarily follow on. He liked Alexander. Kind of in the way he'd immediately liked Laf and Hercules. 

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll find it soon enough." There was a period of quiet between the two of them while they turned back to their work. It wasn't until Alexander spoke again that it was broken.

"Thanks, by the way. For letting Eliza and I sit with you guys. It was really great of you."

"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to. Eliza seemed pretty cool." Alexander scoffed in apparent offence.

"Not me?" Amusement laced his voice, thankfully, so John laughed and shrugged.

"I don't know, you seemed like kind of a nerd, what with all that work you did in World History. I'm not sure if I want to be associated with that kind of a person."

"Oh, really? And here I was offering to do your homework to try and get into the 'cool' gang. Let me guess, Eliza automatically got in because she's pretty?"

"Nah, it wouldn't bother me one way or the other. I'm not into girls."

"Really?" John looked over at Alexander, who had stopped writing momentarily.

"Yeah, really." A brief pause.

"The fact that you can just say that to me is so cool. I'm basically a stranger and you just... at my old school, people were too scared that it would ruin their reputation. Or their life. They didn't even tell their friends." John shrugged.

"Nothing drastic has happened here so far." That was an understatement. After he came out, his popularity had practically sky-rocketed. He supposed it wasn't such a big deal in the community their school was in - sexuality didn't really concern anyone, so most people were out and comfortable. Maria's announcement in sophomore year that she was bisexual caused a lot of people to feel more confident about it. It hadn't occurred to him that other places didn't have the same luxury they did.

"That's good." Silence fell over them, and John practically had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking if Alexander was one of the 'people' from his old school that was too scared to come out. The two of them had only just met, he couldn't exactly ask him straight away whether he was into guys. Especially if Alexander had been subjected to such a different way of dealing with sexuality. 

Luckily enough, the bell rang, and the students began scrambling to pack everything away so they could get out as quickly as possible. John caught Alexander's eye as he was checking his phone nervously.

"You need a ride home?"

"No, Eliza's taking me." He nodded in understanding, swinging his backpack onto his shoulder and beginning to walk towards the door with Alexander in tow.

"You guys live near each other?" John had been to a few parties at the Schuyler household, so he was familiar with that area, even if he lived on the other side of town. Alexander took his time before replying, replacing his textbook into his bag carefully first.

"Yeah."

*

They chatted about nothing (Alexander's thoughts about his first day, about the school, John's knowledge on who was friendly and who he should steer well clear of) until they reached the parking lot, and Alexander came to a halt.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. First period French, right?"

"That's right." The two of them looked at each other for a second before John was struck with an idea.

"Hey, how about I give you my number? That way there'll be no more confusion at lunchtime or anything." Alexander smiled, almost as though he was relieved.

"Sounds good to me." As they exchanged numbers, John noticed Alexander had typed his name in as Alex - something he'd explicitly told the teacher he didn't want to be called. But Eliza called him it, or so he remembered. He didn't question it, however, he simply took his phone back, pocketing it with a grin.

"Okay, cool."

"Alex!" Eliza's voice sounded out from a group of people nearby, and she emerged from the crowd to walk over to Alexander's side, smiling at John as she arrived.

"He didn't bug you too much, did he?" John chuckled, raising a hand in greeting to Peggy and Angelica, who were standing with the group Eliza had just come from.

"Nah, he's alright." Alexander frowned.

"Thanks, guys." 

"That's okay." 

"John Laurens!" A French accent sounded loudly from across the parking lot, and John turned to see Lafayette waving him over, so he nodded before turning back to Eliza and Alex.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah, great." It was Alexander that answered, and John smiled at him before turning and walking towards his friend's car.

*

No sooner was Hercules pulling out of the parking lot, saying something about what happened to him in his Trig lesson, that John's phone buzzed with a text.

_**alex: did i thank you properly for letting eliza and i sit with you guys at lunch ?? [sent at 15:27]** _


	2. Chapter 2

**_alex: did i thank you properly for letting eliza and i sit with you guys at lunch ?? [sent at 15:27]_ **

**_john: define 'properly'  ;) ?? [sent at 15:28]_ **

There was a moment, a split-second, that John regretted sending that text. That he saw the message go from 'delivered' to 'read' and he thought - **shit**. He was so used to flirting with everyone, either playfully with his friends or for real with cute boys, that he completely forgot that Alexander was pretty much a total stranger. When his phone buzzed again, he almost didn't want to read the reply.

**_alex: correctly, in a satisfactory way, socially appropriate, decent, respectable [sent at 15:30]_ **

The corners of John's mouth turned up in a relieved smile.

**_john: i knew you were a nerd [sent at 15:31]_ **

**_alex: guilty as charged. do i still have to do your homework to be accepted as your friend? [sent at 15:32]_ **

**_john: i think i'll let you off [sent at 15:32]_ **

"What're you smiling at, Laurens?" John looked up from his phone to see Hercules looking at him in the rear view mirror, a knowing glint in his eye.

"I'm hilarious, why shouldn't I be smiling at my messages?"

"Because the last time you were smiling like that was when you and Charlie boy were drunk at Laf's party and we all know how well that went." Lafayette smirked, following Hercules' lead and taking a quick glance at John in the mirror, causing John to look at them both scathingly.

"I thought we had a 'let's not mention Charles Lee' rule in this friendship group?" Hercules shrugged.

"We did, but we also had a 'let's not have sexual intercourse with Charles Lee' rule, and you went against that, didn't you?" Cringing, John's face fell into a sulky frown.

"The 'let's not mention Charles Lee' rule was after the sexual intercourse occurred and I regretted it, so your point is invalid." The bickering could go on, and everyone in the car knew it, so Lafayette spoke next, turning onto Hercules' street as he did so.

"How about we just call it the 'Charles Lee incident', and we can all forget it happened, hm?"

John really wished he could. He hadn't intended for it to happen. In fact, he'd barely known Lee when it had happened, and he barely knew him now. He remembered very little of it, and what he did remember were hazy and brief flashbacks until the next morning when he woke up next to a very hungover and very naked Charles Lee. It wasn't difficult to piece together what had gone on, and before either of them could mention it again that morning, John was up, scrambling for his clothes and running out of the door.

Charles hadn't taken kindly to that, or to the repeated rejections John gave him in the weeks after, and had held a grudge against him ever since. In his own words 'Laurens, understand that, from this point on, I never want to speak to you again - unless you change your mind about a second round.'

So he'd never want to speak to him again. And John was okay with that.

"Okay, I'm down for that."

"Wasn't the only thing you were down for."

"Hercules, _pour l'amour de baise_ , get out of my car before he kills you."

*

Over the next couple of weeks, Alexander and Eliza slowly but surely became part of their social group. At the beginning, they mainly stuck to talking to Angelica and Peggy, but they began speaking more to other people as well, first to John and Maria - who were in most of their classes. Then, before any of them knew it, they were a staple part of their group. Alexander got on well with Lafayette and Hercules (something that wasn't an easy task for a lot of people given the fact they were a lot to take in), and Eliza managed to somehow talk Aaron Burr up enough so that everyone else accepted him into the group permanently. Eventually, even Laf's friend George Washington was greeting them by name as they walked down the hallway.

"How'd he get to be school president?" Alexander asked one day while he and John were walking out of Geography, glancing over his shoulder at Washington's retreating back.

"He came up with the whole idea of having a system like that. Before that, we didn't really have a solid student council. George just kind of organised it all."

"That's so cool." John chuckled, noting Alexander's wide eyes and disbelieving grin.

"Shut up, Laurens."

"I didn't say anything." They stopped at John's locker, Alexander leaning on the one next to his as he opened it, looking across at him with an almost judging look in his eye.

"You thought it." Raising his eyebrow, John shoved his Geography textbook into the mess that was his locker, not needing it for the weekend, thankfully.

"And what exactly did I think?"

" _Shit, this guy's a nerd._ " Despite himself, John laughed again.

"That's... exactly what I'm thinking." Alexander shrugged disinterestedly, although the hint of a smile appeared on his face as John closed his locker and signalled for them both to leave. 

"You're not exactly difficult to read." Hercules and Lafayette were emerging from a classroom a couple of doors up, so John tugged at Alex's jacket to show where they were going, trying to figure out whether or not 'being easy to read' was a good or a bad thing.

*

After saying goodbye to Alex at the doors to the school, John, Lafayette and Hercules piled into Laf's car as usual, although this time they all ended up at Hercules' house. More often than not, the three of them spent a couple of nights a week at one of their houses - so much so that the boys had actually become accustomed to calling John's mother 'mama Laurens' and referring to his siblings as their own.

They were laying around Hercules' bedroom lazily, textbooks open so they could pretend they were studying, having eaten so much food that Herc's mother insisted on providing for them every time they came over that they could barely move.

"I swear, I need to stop coming to your house, man. I'm going to gain so much weight if your mom doesn't stop feeding us." 

"She'll never stop. You know her."

"True." Lafayette, who was the only one in the room actually studying (or at least reading the textbook), sat up and stretched before sitting up.

"So. What do we think about the new kids, hm? Eliza and Alexander. They seem pretty cool." At the mention of Alexander's name, they both looked pointedly at John, who groaned and threw his head back against the wall.

"What? As soon as a new guy comes to the school you automatically think I want to get in his pants?" There was silence for a moment, giving Lafayette and Hercules time to look at each other to think about their next move. It just so happened that the next move never came.

"You actually think that, don't you?"

"No." John had known Lafayette long enough now to know that his accent got just that little bit stronger when he was lying.

"I'm gay. It doesn't mean I'm into every guy that comes along."

"So you **are** a top?"

"What?"

"You're **into** \- "

"That is **not** what I meant, Hercules Mulligan." A pause.

"But, yeah."

"Knew it." John couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"Can we not talk about it, though, guys? Seriously. Not many guys are willing to be friends with me because they're worried I'll want something more. It's nice to have someone new, y'know?" The other two men looked at each other again.

"Let's talk about the fact that my mom's out of town all weekend and my siblings are at their dad's."

*

Despite what he had said, the talk with Lafayette and Hercules earlier had got John thinking. About Alexander. About why he was so curious about his story. Understandably so, he thought, considering he and Eliza had seemingly appeared out of nowhere with no warning. What kind of family only transfers two out of three kids in one year?

But, as he was walking home that night, something else was bugging John. It wasn't just that he was curious about why Eliza had transferred a year after Angelica and Peggy (especially since she was the middle child). He was curious as to why Alexander had come with her.

And it bothered him. Because why should he care? Maybe Alexander just wanted a fresh start - with what he had told him about where he used to live and go to school, John couldn't exactly blame him for that. It sounded repressive and, quite frankly, scarily backwards, so who could blame a guy for wanting to get out of a place like that? Or, maybe something had happened to Alexander's family and he had to stay with the Schuyler's for a while. The only thing that Alex had mentioned so far in regards to his family was that his mother was best friends with Philip Schuyler. Something could have happened that meant his mother needed him to stay with them for a while. 

The new boy intrigued him, and John wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

*

It was only when John got home that night that he was struck by a sudden thought, and he turned to grab his phone - electing to ignore the stack of work that was slowly building its way up on his desk.

 ** _john: hey, nerd, you free this weekend ?? [sent at 19:36]_**   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: okayyy!! so i have decided to continue this (well i was never not going to, considering i've pretty much planned the plot out in my head already), but this means I will probably have to start creating an update schedule so i can actually get a multi-chap out. if you could comment on the chapter before and say things to try and make me write and update, i would really appreciate it!!


	3. Chapter 3

**_john: hey, nerd, you free this weekend ?? [sent at 19:36]_ **

**_alex: probably, why? [sent at 19:43]_ **

**_john: my mom's out of town and, as is customary, i'm having a 'gathering'. you in? [sent at 19:45]_ **

**_alex: a 'gathering'? :') [sent at 19:45]_ **

**_john: leave me alone. laf doesn't like me calling it a party. don't ask [sent at 19:46]_ **

**_alex: yeah, i'll be there [sent at 19:47]_ **

**_..._ **

**_alex: can i bring eliza? [sent at 20:05]_ **

**_john: yeah, of course. she was my next port of call anyway [sent at 20:06]_ **

**_alex: cool, see you tomorrow :) [sent at 20:06]_ **

*

As John had said to Alex, it was customary for someone to have a 'gathering' when they had their house to themselves. Some people - Hercules and Maria for example - invited pretty much the whole school and ended up with a huge mess to clean up afterwards. And so, sensibly in his opinion, John had only invited their friendship group. In other people's opinion - _Hercules' and Maria's for example_ \- this was the boring option, as Maria had so loudly spent the last ten minutes explaining to him. The fact that she was always the first to parties was a blessing and a curse.

"Come on, Laurens, even you have to admit big parties are fun." The blessing was that she was better at setting up a party that John ever was or could be. Within the time Maria had been at his house, she'd gotten more done than he had the whole day. In heels.

"They are, just not when you're the host." She shrugged, pushing the last of the chairs to the right position so there was enough room for everyone to sit.

"I like it."

"You like most things." With a laugh, Maria sat down on one of the sofas.

"So, who's actually coming tonight?" John took a seat next to her to begin recounting his invitations in his head.

"Well, obviously you and I. Laf and Herc. Invited Burr and Washington as well. Ang, Peg and Eliza. And Alex." Suddenly, Maria's face split into a beaming grin and she shuffled closer to John to rest her hand on his arm. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You called him Alex."

"Yeah?"

"The only other person he lets call him Alex is Eliza." John scoffed, rolling his eyes and leaning back into the cushions.

"So?" She looked at him curiously for a moment before shaking her head, seeming disappointed.

"So, nothing, I guess. Just pointing it out."

*

Within a couple of hours, the party (or 'gathering' as Lafayette kept angrily pointing out to those present) had finally gotten into swing, and people had started to progressively get more and more tipsy. By half an hour in, Hercules had convinced Aaron that the way to get over his nerves was to drink more and more, and they were having a serious discussion over the Avatar movie. Maria and Peggy were talking in hushed tones in the corner of the kitchen, occasionally glancing over at Angelica and George, who were browsing the selection of music to try and find what they considered a 'decent' choice for the next track. Eliza and Lafayette (the two designated drivers for the night) were wandering around, with Lafayette seeming to give her the tour of the house that the host himself probably should have given. However, considering John was sitting behind the couch clutching a bottle of something or other as though it was a lifeline and chattering away to Alexander, it was less than likely that he was giving anyone a tour of his house soon.

"Okay, okay, would you rather... date Ms Simmons or Mr Johnson?"

"What the hell kinda question is that, Laurens?" John snickered.

"One you have to answer, Hamilton. They're the rules." Alexander frowned, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Mr Johnson. Just because I'm doing well in English and I wouldn't need the stress of maintaining a relationship with the teacher. I don't particularly care about Chemistry, so I'd rather date the teacher from there. Might get a higher grade." It was only then that Alexander noticed John looking at him oddly.

"What? Are you really surprised that I don't like Chem?" John shook his head. He was tipsy, sure, but he was sober enough to comprehend the situation. To comprehend that he just asked Alexander the question without thinking, and that his answer really wasn't what he was expecting.

"No, it's just..." He tailed off, shaking his head again.

"Doesn't matter."

"No, what?" When John didn't reply, Alexander nudged him softly, adjusting his position so he was just that little bit closer to him.

"Doesn't matter, Alex. Your turn." Alexander paused.

"Okay. Would you rather tell me what you were going to say, or go make out with Maria?" John rolled his eyes.

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope. **They're the rules**." The evident delight in Alexander's eyes almost caused John to crack a smile. _Almost_. He sighed, straightening up slightly to look over the back of the couch to where Maria was now standing with Hercules, Aaron and Angelica and bracing himself.

"You're actually going to do it, aren't you?" Alexander didn't even sound annoyed. He just sounded amused. John looked back at him with a shrug.

"Can't try and outsmart me at the game I'm best at, Hamilton." Passing the bottle he was holding to his friend next to him, John got up quickly, making eye contact with Alexander and nodding as though to challenge him before starting to stride across the room. 

"Doesn't count if you don't watch, Alex." He slid in-between Maria and Hercules tactfully, cutting off their conversation. As they both looked at him curiously, John patted Hercules on the shoulder with one hand and took Maria's waist with the other.

"Sorry, Herc, man. You know I can't pick the easy way out in Would You Rather." Turning to look down at Maria, who was now in extremely close proximity to him and was looking extremely confused about it, he shrugged and brushed a stray hair out of her face quickly.

"Sorry about this, Reynolds." 

And just like that, John was kissing her as though it was the easiest thing in the world to do, briefly catching his lips with hers and tightening his grip on her waist. It was surprising to him as to how similar it was to kissing a guy - this was his first time kissing a girl since he was about 11, so he'd all but forgotten what it was like.

_Five, four, three, two, one._

John figured that was long enough, so he pulled away, turning to look briefly at Alexander with a smug grin.

"Thanks, Mar." Maria shook her head, lifting her hand to wipe her lipstick off his lips.

"No, no, thank you. I can now officially say I'm the only girl at our school that has kissed John Laurens, and you won your game of Would You Rather. I think that in itself is an achievement." He nodded, giving her a quick high five before wandering back over to the couch where Alexander was glaring at him while waiting. Flopping down next to his friend, smug smirk still present, John wrapped his hand around his beer bottle and took it back to take a drink.

"Was what you wanted to tell me really that important?" Alexander asked disbelievingly.

"I guess so."

"Why?" John shrugged.

"It was kind of something that I didn't think you would appreciate being asked considering I haven't known you very long." Neither of them said anything for a second, although John could practically hear the cogs whirring in Alexander's brain as he tried to figure out what was going on. 

"Leave it, Alex, okay? Don't even worry about it." Another moment of silence.

"Fine."

"Good. Okay. Would you rather always have to say what's on your mind or never speak again?"

*

Thankfully, no-one had wanted or needed to stay over, and Lafayette and Eliza had managed to pile them all into their respective cars and get them home safely. John had time to clean up somewhat (not that there was that much of a mess made, really) before he collapsed into his own bed, unlocking his phone to check it as a force of habit.

**_alex: yes. in answer to your question. that you technically didn't ask me, but... yes. i like guys. [sent at 02:01]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: okay, I think i've figured out what's helping with motivation aka why i've been actually updating!! the texts at the end of the chapter kind of give me a segway into the next one. so, do you guys like that kind of format so far? with the texts starting and ending the chapter? thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments!! that's the second thing that motivates me :):):)


	4. Chapter 4

**_alex: yes. in answer to your question. that you technically didn't ask me, but... yes. i like guys. [sent at 02:01]_**  

John didn't know how to respond. His half drunk/half sober mind couldn't comprehend what Alexander had just said. The first thing he clearly thought was - how the hell did he know that was what he was going to ask? He remembered him saying that John was 'easy to read' but was he **that** easy to read? In the short time he'd known Alexander, had he given so much of himself away that he immediately knew the question John would rather kiss Maria Reynolds than ask? For a second, the ludicrous thought that Alexander might even be a psychic crossed his mind.

As his phone screen went dark, John stopped - he came to the realisation that he was breathing heavily and he was clutching a bunch of his bedsheets tightly. That wasn't normal. He hadn't even panicked this much when he'd come out himself. And he'd done it to the whole school. Although, they'd pretty much already known, he supposed.

Still, he was confused at his own reaction. Why should John care about Alex's sexuality? It wouldn't bother him either way whether or not his friend was into guys or girls. It never had and it never would - especially not Alexander. After everything he'd heard about the place that he and Eliza had come from, he understood how difficult it must have been for Alexander to tell him that. It should make him happy that he knew that. The fact that he was willing to tell John that he liked guys - something that he assumed he told hardly anyone at home - meant that Alexander trusted him, and, as his friend, he should be thankful.

So why was he sitting up in bed at 2AM, with a dry mouth, sweaty palms and being the closest to a panic attack he had been in a long while?

 ** _john: just guys? [sent at 02:23]_**    

 ** _john: shit no that sounded rude [sent at 02:23]_**  

 ** _john: i'm so sorry, i didn't mean it like that [sent at 02:24]_**   

 ** _john: fuck, i'm not good at this [sent at 02:24]_**  

 ** _john: you didn't have to tell me [sent at 02:24]_**      

The next couple of minutes were almost painful; they gave John enough time to comprehend the fact that he'd just sent Alexander five texts in less than two minutes. And that those texts were mainly just a compilation of the worst ways to react to your friend coming out ever.

 ** _alex: i know i didn't have to, i wanted to [sent at 02:26]_**  

 ** _alex: no, not just guys [sent at 02:26]_**      

 ** _alex: i've never dated a guy, but i've been attracted to them [sent at 02:27]_**  

 ** _alex: but i knew what you were going to ask and i thought you should know [sent at 02:27]_**     

John was so close to typing a reply that asked why Alexander thought he needed to know about it, but he thought better of it. He didn't want to push him too much.

**_john: well, thank you. it means a lot [sent at 02:29]_ **

**_alex: no problem. [sent at 02:29]_ **

**_alex: in a selfish way it kinda makes me feel better having someone other than eliza here know [sent at 02:30]_ **

**_john: that's not selfish, alex, i think that's pretty healthy. not keeping it to yourself. [sent at 02:31]_ **

For a while (or what seemed like a while, considering how fast the replies had been beforehand) Alexander didn't reply, and John almost fell asleep.

_**alex: i like that you call me alex, btw [sent at 02:40]** _

Ignoring the weird flip his stomach did at that, John sent a quick goodnight text to him and put his phone on his bedside cabinet. Face down, so he wouldn't be too tempted to pick it up again when it buzzed again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: this is a short lil chapter to kind of expand on the laurens/hamilton relationship a lil bit. next chapter should be back to the original length and get back to the plot :):) thank you so much for all the support so far!!


	5. Chapter 5

**_alex: i like that you call me alex, btw [sent at 02:40]_**

**_john: guess i'll keep doing it then [sent at 02:42]_ **

**_john: night alex [sent at 02:42]_ **

**_alex: night laurens [sent at 02:43]_ **

**_alex: good luck with that hangover tomorrow [sent at 02:46]_ **

*

Monday morning came far too soon, and before John knew it he was back in his first period World History class, crammed into his usual corner with Alexander next to him. Alex had been answering the teachers question for the last minute - at least - and his previously simple answer had turned into a gripping speech on the importance of the English Catholics that sailed with the Spanish Armada. Normally, John would have used this time to doze off somewhat, to try and catch up on the sleep he didn't get over the weekend, but today he couldn't help but be interested in the lesson.

Who could blame him? The Spanish Armada was a really interesting subject. Or at least, Alexander made it seem as though it was. His long, rambling, passionate answers that were more like speeches engaged John's attention more than their teacher's slideshows and attempts at interactive activities ever could. This was ringing true in the majority of his subjects; even learning about coastal erosion was bearable now he had Alexander reciting some story he'd read about somewhere or other. 

When their teacher finally managed to shush Alexander and move on, John realised he had been staring at his friend again, and quickly looked back at the board. After a moment, however, Alexander caught his attention again.

"Laurens."

"Mhm?"

"You okay?" John turned to look across at Alex, who was holding his pen, poised to write, but was looking over at him with concern.

"Yeah, why?" Turning away, Alexander shrugged, mumbling his next reply towards his notebook.

"Haven't heard from you since the party, that's all."

It was true that John had read but hadn't replied to Alexander's last text. His mother had come home earlier than expected, so John had only had a couple of hours to clean up what he had left from the party and attempt to rid himself of his hangover that had lingered for far too long. By the time he'd seen his mother and talked to her about her meeting, gone to pick up his little sister and brothers from their father's and done the rest of his homework with a still fuzzy head, he just collapsed back into bed without thinking about what replies he owed.

"Yeah, sorry, man. Sunday was a weird day."

"It's just..." Alexander shook his head, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his face.

"Never mind." Something was wrong. John knew it wasn't often that Alex was holding a pen but wasn't writing at the speed of light with it.

"No, what?" The other boy didn't reply, playing with the corner of his notebook and avoiding John's gaze.

"What's up?" Alexander shook his head again.

"It's stupid." 

"I really, **really** doubt that anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid, Alex."

He'd said it before he could stop himself, and as soon as the words had come out of his mouth a light pink flush spread its way up John's cheeks and he turned away from Alexander, praying to any and all gods that hadn't come out in a way that would make it seem weird between them. There was a long pause in which they both watched their teacher, yet neither of them paid attention to her in any way.

"I was going to ask whether it was because of what I told you. But then I remembered -"

"That I like guys too?" Alexander let out a sound that was somewhere between a sigh of a relief and a chuckle.

"Well, yeah. But I was going to say I remembered that you were a decent person. Not like... some other people." John didn't reply, thinking it better to just leave it for the moment he wasn't sure if Alex had finished talking.

"I'm just paranoid, I guess. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for what other people's actions have made you feel." For the first time in a while, Alexander looked back at John with a smile on his face.

And John's stomach did that weird flippy thing again.

And, if he had been paying enough attention, he would have noticed Alexander chancing glances at him again for the rest of the day.

*

" **Laurens**." 

The dark nights that early November brought were more than enough to make John drowsy, especially after a Monday, so when Lafayette almost shouted his name after dropping Hercules home, he jumped, snapping immediately out of his mid-conscious state.

" **Laf**."

"We need to talk, man." John looked over at his friend - his eyes were on the road ahead as he turned onto another street, but Lafayette's attention was very much on him, and he knew it.

"About what? You okay?" Lafayette nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We need to talk about your glaringly obvious crush on the newest member of our little group." When John didn't reply, he chanced a glance across at him to be met with a half-confused, half-amused gaze.

"I'm serious, John."

"My glaringly obvious crush on **who**?" Another pointed look from Lafayette told John what he needed to know.

"What, Alex?"

"No, Eliza. Who did you think I meant?"

"I could have a crush on Eliza. She's pretty."

"Yeah, she is, but Laurens, you've kissed Maria Reynolds once - as a dare. You had to get **dared** to kiss one of the hottest girls in school. That doesn't make you Hetero McGee, I shouldn't think." John snorted, looking away from his friend and out of the car window. The sun was at its lowest point now, dipping below the horizon. He shook his head.

"I don't have a crush on Alex." Now it was Lafayette's turn to snicker, although, unlike John, it was in disbelief rather than amusement.

"Yeah, okay."

"I **don't**."

"John, I've known you since we were 9. I've seen you before and after puberty. I've **seen** you have crushes on people. I've seen this before." Rolling his eyes, John elected not to answer.

"Don't ignore me." He ignored him.

"I'll start speaking French." John groaned, resting his head against the back of his seat.

" _Mon ami, je pense que c'est important que tu_ -"

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll talk to you about it." Lafayette smirked in satisfaction. Although John took French, it really wasn't his favourite subject at all.

"But there really isn't anything to talk about, man. I like Alex. I think he's a great guy, and a great friend, and I'm glad I met him. Just like I'm glad I met you and Hercules. And Maria. And Peggy. And everyone else. You're all my **friends**." With a shrug, Lafayette turned onto John's street, pulling into his driveway and parking the car. He turned to look at his friend.

"I don't know, Laurens. I don't remember the last time you looked at me or Hercules or Maria or Peggy or **everyone else** the way you look at him sometimes."

*

"Fuck you, Marquis de Lafayette."

John actually said the words out loud (albeit quietly - his mother was only in the next room) as he was attempting to focus on his Chemistry homework, finding it futile and slamming his pencil down frustratedly. How was he supposed to concentrate on anything after the conversation he had just had with his friend? It didn't help that his phone had buzzed with a text from Alex not two minutes ago.

 ** _alex: did we get given world history hwk today ?? [sent at 17:51]_**   

Just a normal text that a normal friend would send. That a classmate would send. Because that's what they were. They were classmates that became friends because of a mutual tolerance and respect for each other (although, the fact that he was beginning to think in terms like that made him a tad worried that he was spending too much time with Alex, he was becoming far too eloquent). John really wanted to wave it in Lafayette's face as though to prove the point he spent the car journey trying to make - to prove that he, John Laurens, and the new kid, Alexander Hamilton, were **just friends**.

"Just friends."

The words felt foreign, as though his mouth didn't want to say that, and John chose to ignore that his heart sank just a little bit as he said that.

Because they were friends, and that was good enough. Right?

Plus, he'd thought a lot of guys who were now his close friends were attractive at some point or another. Hell, he'd had a semi-serious crush on George Washington in freshman year, and they were pretty good friends now. John was attracted to guys - that was just a fact - and he couldn't help his attraction to certain people. Especially people like Alexander, who was undeniably attractive. Who wouldn't find him attractive, what with wide brown eyes that shone with anticipation everytime he realised he knew the answer to a question, and long hair that was more often than not pulled back in a ponytail that would have made most guys look either nerdy or fuckboy-ish - John still couldn't figure out whether or not he liked that word, but he couldn't deny that he himself fell into that category  - and yet Alexander managed to slot neatly in between the two and near enough created his own category. Passion was attractive in a person, and he was certainly brimming with that, not to mention intelligence and ambition and -

"Whoa."

John didn't realise he had got to his feet and was pacing around. He'd got himself so wound up about his resolution that he didn't have a crush on Alexander that he hadn't actually been seeing straight and found himself near his bed, on the opposite side of the room to his desk - where his work and his phone was sitting. He looked over at his lit up phone screen, debating with himself for a moment. Despite that weird feeling within him that he'd had after his conversation with Alex first period that morning returning, John picked up his phone.

**_john: yeah, wanna come over and get it done together tonight? [sent at 17:53]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: whoa, i am spitting chapters out like there's no tomorrow here, i know. sorry guys!!! thank you for all of your lovely comments and the kudos, they make my day :):)


	6. Chapter 6

**_alex: did we get given world history hwk today ?? [sent at 17:51]_ **

**_  
john: yeah, wanna come over and get it done together tonight? [sent at 17:53]_ **

**_  
..._ **

**_alex: i'm at eliza's right now, sorry, man. tomorrow? [sent at 18:14]_ **

A strange mixture of sadness and confusion hit John at once.

Sadness at the fact that Alexander was spending time at Eliza's house.

Confusion as to why that saddened him.

It wasn't a surprise to him that the two of them spent time together - they were good enough friends that Alexander had moved with Eliza to come to their school for junior year. True, he didn't know the circumstances of their move, but it was clear that they were close enough to pretty much start an entirely new life together.

**_john: sure [sent at 18:17]_ **

  
His reply seemed more annoyed than he meant it to be, but as John sat back down at his desk to attempt to turn back to his Chemistry work, the fact that Alex was spending the night seemingly alone with Eliza just wouldn't stop bugging him.

*

As the crisp breezes of October faded into an extremely rainy November, John began to notice little things about their friendship group that he hadn't realised before. For one, whenever he and Alex were sitting together or having a conversation within a group setting, either Lafayette, Hercules or Maria had their eyes on them - kind of as though they were waiting for something to happen. This was further confirmed when, at lunch one day, the three of them had a whispered - but perfectly audible - conversation about how good the two of them would be together.

"You guys aren't very good at whispering, y'know." After he and Alexander had finished their conversation and Alex had turned to Eliza and Angelica, John rounded on Lafayette, Hercules and Maria. They gave very different answers.

"We know."

"I suggested speaking French."

"I have never, and probably will never whisper in my life."

John shook his head.

"Maria, grinning like that doesn't make it better. Laf, that wouldn't work considering Alex speaks French. And Hercules... I know that." He groaned, massaging his forehead with his hand and chancing a glance towards Alexander, who was too embroiled in conversation with the Schuyler sisters to pay attention, thankfully.

"It's not like that between us."

"You sound disappointed."

He opened his mouth to argue, but, as Maria's shit-eating grin widened further, John realised she was right.

*

Another thing that had begun to strike him was how close Alexander and Eliza really were. The secret conversations they seemed to be able to have with just their eyes, the touches they had within discussions on the way to and from class that often turned into them holding hands in the corridors, the amount of time they spent in each other's company both in and out of school. John had lost count of the amount of times Alex had been unavailable to hang out because he was at Eliza's - and the few times that he had been round to Alexander's, his car had passed Eliza's while she on her way out of the street everytime. For lack of a better phrase to describe it, they were joined at the hip.

Almost like a...

_Like a couple._

He was in the middle of Algebra, a completely silent classroom, when the realisation hit him, and it took a hell of a lot of willpower to stop himself from yelling it to everyone.

**_yes. i like guys_ **

**_just guys?_ **

**_no, not just guys_ **

A couple.

_What if Alex and Eliza were together?_

John looked across at Eliza. She was looking down at the page in the book they were working on with the same confused expression that had taken to residing on her face for a lot of their Algebra lessons, brow furrowed, lip between her teeth as she chewed on it as though it would somehow give her the answer to the formula. Occasionally, she ran her hand through her hair to untangle the knots that had formed there, and often debated with herself, taking her hair up and down near enough constantly. He could see the attraction - Laf and Hercules certainly did, they'd told him often enough how blessed all the Schuyler sisters were with their genes. He was pretty sure he'd even had a conversation with James Madison, a friend of his from the town's baseball team they were both a part of, about how good looking Eliza was in particular. And it would make sense that they were together. Why else would they move schools together?

Suddenly, John was overwhelmed with an intense dislike for the idea of Alexander and Eliza being a couple. More specifically, he was overwhelmed with an intense dislike of Eliza - and then, straight away, anger towards himself rose within him.

He had no right to be angry at Eliza for who she may or may not be dating. It was her choice, and he was her friend and he should be happy for her. Even if he was somewhat jealous about the fact that she got to spend all her time with Alexander - but he was only jealous because he, as Alex's friend, wanted to spend time with him too. Why shouldn't he want that? He hadn't known Alex as long as he had known everyone else, it only seemed right that John should want to spend more time with him, to get to know him. Alex was... interesting. And John knew that, and the only reason he was getting worked up about this was because he was upset that Eliza got to spend all that time with Alex and he didn't spend as much of that time with him.

As friends.

Obviously.

_Ah, fuck._

His mess of a million and one thoughts trailed into just one as John realised that, for the millionth time in their ridiculous friendship, Marquis de Lafayette was right.

He had a crush on Alexander Hamilton.

And John had a strange, sickening feeling it was going to ruin him.

*

**_john: hey, do you mind if we take a rain check on Saturday night? mom wants me to look after my little sister while she takes me brothers out [sent at 11:45]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: hey, so if this chapter is a little stranger in terms of formatting it's because I wrote and uploaded this on mobile!! i don't have my laptop at the moment as I am staying at my boyfriend's house for a few days. as always, thank you for all your support and I'll try to update soon!!


	7. Chapter 7

**_john: hey, do you mind if we take a rain check on Saturday night? mom wants me to look after my little sister while she takes me brothers out [sent at 11:45]_ **

**_alex: 'me' brothers? nice typo ;) [sent at 11:47]_ **

**_john: don't wink at me, hamilton [sent at 11:52]_ **

**_alex: i'll do what i wish, laurens ;) now shut up and get back to algebra. tell eliza i say hi ;) [sent at 11:53]_ **

**_john: [seen at 12:00]_ **

*

Over the next couple of weeks, John was becoming more and more sure that Alexander was doing things on purpose just to make himself more attractive. Or, at least, he hadn't noticed exactly how attractive Alexander was in the first place. Because it was getting ridiculous now. It was like the realisation of his crush made it impossible for John not to watch the other boy when they were anywhere together.

Unfortunately for him, they were together quite often.

So it was becoming increasingly common for John to get distracted - in lessons, at lunchtime, in the times after school that they hung out (Lafayette and Hercules had taken to inviting him to nearly all of the gatherings they had) - and it was ruining his day to day life. Their English teacher had pulled him up on his work more times than he could count, Lafayette was doing that stupid smirk everytime he saw him, Hercules and Maria had taken to talking very loudly about the need for young love at lunchtimes, and even Eliza had begun asking absent minded questions in the middle of their Algebra classes.

"Do you think Alex should cut his hair?" The teacher was midway through a 'discussion' with another member of the class about their lack of work, so she was perfectly audible to John even though she spoke in a hushed tone. He still waited a couple of seconds before turning to her, however.

"What?" Eliza shrugged.

"He keeps talking about cutting his hair short. But... I don't know. The last time his hair was that short he was like 10." John turned back to his notebook, fiddling with the the turned up corner to try and distract himself.

"I don't know. He hasn't said anything to me about wanting to cut it." It was hard to keep the bitterness out of his voice; the only thing preventing him from sarcasm was the reminder that it was Eliza he was speaking to. Eliza. Who was sweet and kind and John's friend. Who had simply known Alexander a lot longer than he had. Not noticing Eliza's subtle side eye glance, John spoke again.

"I think it suits him longer." It came out quieter than he intended, perhaps he didn't want to give her the wrong idea, but he said it anyway. For a brief moment, they made eye contact and something unbeknownst to John flashed behind Eliza's eyes.

"Yeah. I agree."

And that was - seemingly - that. Neither of them said anything else about Alexander for the rest of the lesson, they talked about everything else and John had to keep disregarding the fact that Eliza was looking at him in a different way.

*

"Okay, fine. Laf, you win, you were right." John had had enough. He slammed his bag down on the bleachers next to where Lafayette and Hercules were sitting, flouncing down on the bench below heavily and glaring up at his two friends.

"Of course I was." Lafayette smirked, punching Hercules in the arm before turning back to John.

"What exactly was I right about this time?" Even though the pitch was basically deserted (no one apart from the three of them, a couple of their friends and a few freshmen tended to practice baseball in November), John looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"About Alex, you smug son of a bitch." He stuttered over his words as his spoke - as though his body was trying to stop him from admitting it. Maybe his body knew exactly how much John would hate it when Hercules and Lafayette looked at each other with the air of being told the world's biggest secret.

"Do you guys need time to be smug or can I carry on?" Hercules chuckled, patting John's shoulder in a half comforting half sympathetic way.

"Laf always needs time to be smug. But carry on, I'm listening."

"I don't need time, I'm fine."

"Okay so yes, I have a slight crush on him."

"Slight? Laurens, please -"

"Thought you were listening to me?" Lafayette winced.

"Apologies. Go on."

"Yes, I have a slight crush on Alexander. And yes, he likes guys. But... none of that matters." John was finished speaking, but Hercules and Lafayette didn't seem to have a reply. They looked at each other, confusion crossing both their faces, and it wasn't until one of the freshman playing on the field finally hit the ball further than the pitcher and the cheers reached them that any of the three of them spoke.

"...Why exactly doesn't it matter?" Lafayette spoke slowly, as though he himself was trying to figure out the answer to his question.

"Because of Eliza?" The answer seemed obvious to John, but, by the look on Lafayette's face and the way Hercules still looked as though he couldn't form the correct words to align with the situation, it wasn't as simple as John's brain had made it out to be.

"What about her?"

"I'm pretty sure her and Alex are together." Everything seemed to make sense to the other two after that.

"John." Hercules leant forward, elbows on his knees, and lowered his voice.

"When you say you're 'pretty sure' do you mean you asked them if they were together and they said yes or do you mean you made everything ten times worse than it actually is in your head and made assumptions from that?" John rolled his eyes.

"I didn't need to ask them." Lafayette shrugged.

"Well, you kind of do, man."

"It's so obvious. They act like more of a couple than Herc and Maria do." Confusion was back on Hercules' face.

"That might be because we're not together."

"No, but you sleep together."

"How does that have any correlation?"

"Because it's obvious they are at least sleeping together!"

"Okay." Lafayette moved so he was sitting on the same bench level as John, a look of understanding passing between him and Hercules as he did so.

"John, you've done that thing again." Scoffing, John shook his head, looking between his friends.

"What thing?"

"That thing where you convince yourself what you want won't work out because of a far fetched reason." John didn't have a response. He tried to form one, but the realisation that his friends were right was slowly dawning on him.

*

**_alex: you've been avoiding me [sent at 22:29]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: sorry that this took so long to get up!! I've been moving house and packing and stuff has taken up a lot of my time. but I hope you enjoy this and hopefully the next chapter won't take as long!!


	8. Chapter 8

**_alex: you've been avoiding me [sent at 22:29]_ **

**_john: [seen at 22:56]_ **

**_*_ **

**_john: what? no I haven't?? [sent at 07:38]_ **

**_alex: yes, you have. i feel like i haven't seen you at all this week. [sent at 07:40]_ **

**_john: we're in nearly all the same lessons, alexander [sent at 07:45]_ **

**_alex: i'm well aware. you've still barely spoken to me. [sent at 07:46]_ **

**_alex: look, john, if i've done something to piss you off... i'm sorry, but please just tell me what it is so I can fix it [sent at 07:47]_ **

**_john: its nothing. i've just been in a bad mood, i'm sorry. [sent at 07:51]_ **

**_alex: okay, whatever you say. as long as you're okay [sent at 08:30]_ **

**_john: yeah. i'm fine. [sent at 08:31]_ **

*

Their last period Geography class was horrible. Alexander kept starting conversations and John kept replying and then they died down almost immediately. If it weren't for Maria (who sat behind them), John had a feeling the class would have been completely filled with awkward silence. At the end of the class, it was one of the first times that John was happy to be away from Alexander for the night. He wasn't so lucky as to escape unscathed, however, as, after she said goodbye to Alex and watched him leave with Eliza, Maria rounded on John.

"What in the hell was that, Laurens?" If he didn't know Maria so well, he would have been surprised that she was questioning him.

"What?" She rolled her eyes, linking her arm with his to begin walking to her locker and make sure he didn't disappear mid conversation.

"You know what. Blowing Alex off like that? I know you **love** him or whatever, but is this really the way?"

John didn't reply - he **couldn't** reply without lying. And for some reason, John Laurens had never been able to lie to Maria Reynolds. He'd known her since they were in kindergarten together - longer than he'd known even Lafayette or Hercules. Their mothers had gone to school together, and both became pregnant around the same time at 17. So much so that John's birthday was three days before Maria's. Meaning the two of them had - quite literally - been through everything together.

"John?" They reached Maria's locker, and she opened it to take out another textbook but refused to move her gaze away from him. It wasn't until they made eye contact, and John was guiltily looking back at her, that the realisation seemed to finally dawn on her.

"You... you do love him?"

"What? No! I just... you may have been right about me having a slight crush on him." His voice tailed off at the end of his sentence, breaking eye contact and looking around as though to try and find a way out of the situation.

"Why am I not surprised." It wasn't even a question. She said it with the tone of someone resigned to the inevitable, sympathetic smile appearing on her face as she closed the door to her locker.

"So, if you like him, why are you ignoring him? You're not 6 anymore. You've been with dozens of guys -" John opened his mouth to protest, but Maria continued speaking anyway.

" - why is Alexander any different?"

"Because..."  He sighed, running a hand through his hair and tugging at his roots in frustration.

"Because it's like - I wouldn't just sleep with Alex. Like I did with everyone else. He wouldn't want that."

"Would you want that?" At John's confused look, Maria exhaled heavily, checked her watch, then grabbed his arm again.

"Come on. I've got cheerleading then Mom's picking me up. You're coming to mine tonight."

*

"So, let's go through this again."

John groaned, throwing his head back onto the pillows of Maria's bed and taking another bite of the cookie he was holding. It was 9'oclock - the two of them had been at Maria's house for nearly three hours now, and after Mrs Reynolds had made dinner and fussed over John, they'd spent the rest of their time in Maria's room going over what had now been dubbed the 'Hamilton conundrum'.

"Mar, we've been over this ten times already." A pillow was launched at his head.

"Well, I want to go over it again." From her place next to him, she turned to rest on her elbow to look down at him.

"You like Alexander." John looked towards the ceiling, avoiding Maria's eye and choosing to trace the patterns on the ceiling with his gaze instead. 

"Yes."

"Not just in the 'I want to have sex with this cute boy' way."

"Yes."

"Meaning you, John 'I don't date' Laurens...  wants to date?"

" **Yes**."

"Right."

He heard Maria sigh, so John finally looked up at her again. When they arrived at her house she'd immediately taken her makeup off and changed into her pyjamas. Her hair was in two braids - that if anyone asked, she did herself (it definitely was **not** John that had braided her hair while ranting about Alex, and he dared anyone to challenge that) - and she had the same strange look in her eye as Eliza did whenever they discussed Alexander.

Now that he thought about it, that look could well be them giving him the silent sympathy he so desperately needed.

"It sounds complicated, I know."

"No, actually, it doesn't. It sounds pretty simple. You want to date Alexander. To do that, you just ask him out." John let out a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a growl of indignation.

"Come on, Laurens. You've never been shy with guys before."

"I've also never been in a relationship before. And... what about Eliza?" Maria rolled her eyes.

"What about her?"

"I need to know if she's okay with it before I do anything."

"John, they're not together."

"Maybe not but..." This time the sound he made was a groan, and he sat up, burying his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes.

"I don't know, I just get a vibe from the two of them. I need to know what's going on there before I get myself in too deep." He looked back at Maria, who was still lying back on her pillow, looking as though she was trying to figure out a difficult math problem. Her phone, which kept buzzing and lighting up from its place on her bedside cabinet, caught John's eye.

"You gonna answer that? Is it Herc?"

"Hm?" Snapping out of her trance of confusion, Maria looked over to her phone, shaking her head.

"No, it's okay. It's not Herc. We - uh - we're just friends now anyway." A strange feeling of guilt settled over John. Had he been paying too much attention to his own issues to take note of the fact that two of his best friends had broken up (or whatever they called it when they weren't in an 'official' relationship)?

"Oh..."

"It's okay, John. It's not like... a bad thing. It's for the best."

"But -"

"No, neither of us are sad about it. He's being really supportive, actually..." She trailed off, pink flushing her cheeks - leaving John suspicious and even more confused than before.

"Supportive of what?"

"We're not talking about me."

If John had had the energy to allow him to interrogate her, they would have been talking about her.

But he figured they'd both dealt with more than enough love life issues for one day.

"Anyway, John. This is the plan for you."

*

 ** _john: hey. maria and herc have planned a party for his 18th on the 1st december. you comin? [sent at 20:56]_**   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: this is just a little chapter to move the plot on a little bit and introduce some backstory for maria and john. in a lot of the fanfictions ive seen maria isn't featured as much - she's pushed to the background in favour of the schuyler sisters. so, i thought instead of focusing on angie and peggy (i love them!!! but they're more linked to eliza and alex's backstory - which is still to come) i'd introduce maria as more of a featured character! as always, thank you so much for the kudos and comments!! you're all so lovely!!x


	9. Chapter 9

_**john: hey. maria and herc have planned a party for his 18th on the 1st december. you comin? [sent at 20:56]** _

_**alex: yeah, sounds good [sent at 20:59]** _

_**john: cool [sent at 21:02]** _

_**alex: hey, we're okay, aren't we? [sent at 21:03]** _

_**john: yeah, of course we are, man. i was just being an idiot [sent at 21:34]** _

_**alex: okay, good [sent at 21:35]** _

*

Maria Reynolds and Hercules Mulligan were planning a party.

That was a sentence that could either be interpreted as either incredible or incredibly dangerous. Throw in the fact that it was for a special occaison, the fact that almost their entire year had received an invitation in some form or another and the fact that it was their first 'real' party of the year - the idea of a Reynolds-Mulligan party was downright deadly. So, with less than a week to go, almost everyone was talking about it. As one of Maria and Hercules' best friends, John was within the thick of it; people he barely knew were asking him about where exactly Hercules' house was, what they should wear, who they could bring - one person even asked him if pets were allowed. It was complete and utter mayhem and people were thriving off it.

"Maria Joy Reynolds, what have you done to me?" John found her in the middle of a hallway after identifying her by her mane of neatly curled hair. He took her by the arm before she disappeared into another crowd again, pulling her aside to speak to her before he had to go to class.

"I just had Sam from Trig come and ask me whether I knew a good babysitter to look after his little sister on the night of the party."

"Sam Seabury?"

" **Yes** , Sam Seabury. I've never spoken to him in my life for a **reason** , Mar, why would I want to now?" Maria snorted with laughter, causing John to shoot her a glare before he noticed Hercules walking past with Angelica. He made eye contact with him, and in that moment, an entire conversation was spoken between them. Hercules half smiled, patted Angelica on the arm and gestured to her that he was going to join the other two in the corner.

"What's up, Laurens?" John opened his mouth to speak, but Maria beat him to it.

"He's upset because our party made him acquaintances with Samuel Seabury." Rolling his eyes, Hercules looked at John with something that could only be described as disappointment.

"This party is intended to make you acquainted with people you weren't before." John scoffed.

"No, this party is likely intended to make people get together."

"Well, yeah." Maria and Hercules spoke at the same time. They looked at each other in confusion for a moment.

"Do you know?"

"Do you know?" It was John's turn to roll his eyes.

"You both know."

"Oh." Hercules sighed and leant back against the side of the locker behind him, folding his arms and looking around at the ever moving crowd.

"Well, you never know, John. You could get lucky."

*

By lunchtime, John was officially sick of the party chatter. He was excited for it, sure, but the talk around the school made it sound as though it was practically a Royal Wedding. So, to avoid any more questions that may have been fired at him in the halls or at the table in the canteen, instead of heading to the cafeteria for lunch, he snuck off to the library to catch up on some classwork.

When he arrived, he realised he wouldn't be spending the lunch period alone. Eliza was sitting at a desk in the far corner of the library, hair tucked messily behind her ears to flow down her back so it was out of her face as she looked over a stack of notes piled in front of her. John considered turning on his heel and leaving her to it, but as she looked up fleetingly towards the door, she caught his eye and smiled widely - almost as though she was relieved to not be the only one there. Deciding in that moment to join her, John returned the smile (albeit in a more strained way than she had) and walked over to her, sitting next to her at the two person desk.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." She exhaled heavily, sitting back and stretching briefly before going back to read over her notes again.

"English just... doesn't go into my brain properly sometimes." A laugh escaped her lips.

"Well, school just doesn't go into my brain properly sometimes." John took out his notebook and a Physics textbook.

"Yeah, I get that. I came to get away from the millions of questions that people keep asking me about the party on Saturday."

"Oh, God, don't get me started. Peggy keeps asking me what she should wear, like I should know what she's going to wear?" The librarian kept looking over at them with narrowed eyes, as though their whispering was going to disrupt the other five or so people in the library who were also whispering amongst themselves. John chuckled.

"You're going too, right?"

"Yeah, Laf offered to take me." She shrugged.

"And, if that wasn't enough, Angie's making me go because she wants me to be her wingwoman." Raising his eyebrow, John opened his textbook (knowing full well he'd get little to no work done regardless), glancing over at the librarian warily.

"Didn't peg Angelica Schuyler as someone who needed a wingwoman."

"She doesn't, normally. It's only because she wants -" Eliza stopped, almost as though she was stopping herself from saying too much. As though she was giving something away, and the smirk that crossed her face made it clear that she knew something John didn't. Temptation almost overtook him - he almost asked who it was she wanted - but she spoke before he even had a chance to think about what he was going to say.

"Don't ask."

"Buzzkill."

"You probably know who it is. If you think hard enough." She looked at him, eyes twinkling mischeviously and smirk widening. At John's blank stare, she shook her head.

"It doesn't matter."

"...Okay." Turning back to her notes, Eliza smoothed her hair down over her shoulders again.

"Hey, John?" After silence was all that had been between them for a couple of moments, John jumped.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on with you and Alex?"

There it was. That feeling that had become all too familiar to him due to how many people had asked that question in some form or another. Dread because of the thought that he was giving himself away to everyone; was his crush really that obvious? Anger towards himself for not concealing it better. Bitterness towards...

Well. Towards the very girl that asked him the question this time around.

John swallowed, stalling for a second to give himself time to form a coherent sentence.

"Nothing."

"Right."

"I'm serious."

" **Right**."

"Eliza..."

"Look, John." Both of them had completely abandoned any pretence they had of doing work. Eliza turned on her chair to face him, pulling one of her legs to cross over the other to make herself more comfortable.

"I know Alex. I know what it's like when he likes someone." Memories of his previous conversation with Lafayette regarding this very subject flooded back to John. He looked away from Eliza, down at his lap, when he asked the next question.

"Did he like you? Is that how you know?" He heard her sigh. When he looked up at her again, she was tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and trying to find the words to say to him - which pretty much gave him all the answers he needed.

"You guys are together?"

"No." It was louder than a whisper when Eliza spoke, in the near silent library it was almost a yell. She winced, meeting the librarian's steely gaze for a moment before looking back to John.

"Not... not anymore."

"But you were once." Once again, the lack of response told John everything, and he nodded, swallowing whatever lump had formed in his throat in the last ten seconds.

"If you don't want to talk about it -"

"No, it's okay." To John's surprise, Eliza smiled.

"In case you hadn't noticed, me and Alex aren't exactly on bad terms. It ended almost as well as a two year relationship could." He exhaled; he hadn't expected it to have been two years between them. After everything he'd made up in his head, he didn't actually know what he expected.

"I'm glad he's moved on. And I'm glad it's going to be with you, John."

*

**_john: so I spoke to eliza today [sent at 18:30]_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: this story has reached 100 kudos!!! im so thankful for everyone who has read this and enjoyed it, and I hope you'll stick with me for the next 20 chapters!! thank you all so much!!


	10. Chapter 10

**_john: so I spoke to eliza today [sent at 18:30]_ **

**_alex: cool?? so did i, funnily enough ;) [sent at 18:35]_ **

**_john: you guys were together, huh? [sent at 18:36]_ **

**_alex: oh. [sent at 18:48]_ **

**_alex: yeah, we were [sent at 18:52]_ **

**_alex: john? [sent at 20:03]_ **

**_alex: you have your read receipts on [sent at 22:37]_ **

*

It was half an hour into the party and John was antsy.

And wasted. Half an hour in and he was already beyond drunk.

Well, it wasn't his fault. Alcohol was constantly being passed to him, or was available on the nearest table from a bucket full of ice, or was being practically poured down his throat by Lafayette (who was drinking for the first time since the start of the year and was not about to waste this chance). Plus, things went really down the drain for him drinking wise when Alexander arrived with the Schuyler sisters.

It was at that point that John realised; whoever had the audacity to make Alexander so **goddamn** attractive was the one to blame for his drunkenness. It was bad enough having to see him everyday at school, where he didn't really make too much of an effort with his appearance, he was too busy carrying around the mountains of paper that made up just one of his essays, or arguing with someone about their always ridiculous opinion on something. So when it was in a party situation and Alex came strolling in - hands relaxing in jeans pockets, effortless smile crossing his face, hair pulled up in his usual ponytail at the nape of his neck - what was John supposed to do but drink? He hadn't texted Alexander since he'd last ignored him. In class and at lunch, they talked about anything that wasn't that subject. They avoided the topic of their own love lives completely, choosing to debate everyone else's instead.

Yet, in his drunken state, John thought that the best thing for him to do would be to go speak to Alexander about his problems.

"Hey!" He threw an arm around Peggy in a quick hug, looking around at the other three with a wide grin, gaze lingering on Alexander for strictly longer than necessary.

"Hey, John. You okay?" Eliza's voice cut through the eye contact he was maintaining with Alexander, and he looked over at her. 

"I'm great. You guys want a drink?" Gesturing wildly over his shoulder towards the nearest drinks table, John took a step towards it before someone took his hand and pulled him back.

"We'll leave you to it." Angelica took Eliza's arm and signalled to Peggy to leave too - she smiled, patted John's arm and followed her sisters to where Aaron and George were standing. John looked back at Alex. 

For some reason, they were still holding hands.

"Hey." Even with how intoxicated he was, John could sense that Alex was nervous, and something akin to guilt jolted in his stomach. He'd never meant to make it like this between them.

Granted, he wasn't exactly the kind of person that knew how to deal with these feelings. Normally, John didn't have crushes like this. He had crushes like 'you're attractive' or 'I would like to sleep with you', not crushes like 'I want to date you' or 'I want to be with you all the time'. Maybe he thought ignoring Alex was the only way he could deal with it. But it didn't seem to be doing a good job. In fact, it seemed to be making both of them miserable.

"Hey." To his disappointment, Alexander dropped his hand, the warm feeling that had been spreading through him dissipating immediately, and cleared his throat, walking over to the table John had shown him earlier to get himself a drink.

"How's it going?" 

"I'm at a Reynolds-Mulligan party. It's going fantastic." Alexander snickered, offering a bottle to John and opening his own, taking a drink before speaking again.

"Does a 'Reynolds-Mulligan' party denote being fantastic?"

"Don't use big words when I'm drunk, Alex."

"Already drunk? How late are we?"

"Ha." John looked down at the bottle in his hands, deciding to open it. He was going to need to be drunk if he was going to make it through tonight. A moment of silence passed between them in which both of them wanted to say something and yet neither of them were able to, when their alone time was interrupted by Maria bouncing over, Lafayette in tow.

"Hey Alex!" She flung her arms around him, standing on the tips of her toes (which did nothing considering the heels she was wearing) to reach his neck. Lafayette nodded at John, looking him up and down and taking note of how drunk he was.

"Hi, Maria. Nice party."

"I know." Sighing contentedly, Maria turned to John. She was beaming and something was glinting in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"You okay, Laurens? Looking a bit wobbly there." John pouted, cuddling his beer bottle protectively as though someone was out looking to steal it from him.

"Shut up." She giggled.

"Laf and I were thinking of playing a game, you two in?" In apparent confusion, Lafayette looked around at her.

"We were?" Daggers were shot his way.

"Yes, we were." Realisation seemed to dawn on him.

"...Yes, we were." John opened his mouth to speak, to say that he was totally down for playing a game, but Alexander beat him to it.

"Actually, I need to talk to John. Alone. We'll catch up with the game later, though, okay?"

*

Alexander hadn't been lying when he'd said he wanted to be alone. Somehow, even having never been in Hercules' house before, he'd found the walk in closet on the top floor, the furthest possible room from the party, and insisted that John join him in there. A part of John (the drunk part) was full of that childish excitement that he got from the first time he kissed a boy at a middle school party. That's why people wanted to be alone at parties, right? What other reason could there possibly be?

"I need you to be straight with me."

"Well, you see, that might be difficult, because -"

"Are you really making this joke?"

"Sorry." 

The tone of Alex's voice had shifted dramatically. He wasn't nervous anymore. As soon as the door had closed behind them, he had whipped the drink out of John's hands and put it on a nearby cabinet with his own. He pulled himself onto the window ledge, sitting with his back to the glass and facing John with intense eyes and a silent plea for him to listen. His antics weren't making the sober part of John feel guilty - they were making him feel anxious.

"Just... tell me. What have I done wrong?"

Ah.

The guilt was back and worse than ever. 

"You haven't done anything wrong." John's voice was less than a mumble, as though his brain was telling him that he couldn't speak too loudly. 

"I must have. Because you've changed. Around me. It's just around me, John. Laf and Herc say you're not acting different with them. If anything you're even closer to Maria, something I didn't think was possible. You're speaking to Burr more and more. You're talking to Laf's annoying cousin and his - albeit, lovely - boyfriend from the baseball team more than you're talking to me. Ang and Peg haven't noticed anything different. I thought you were off with Eliza as well but recently it's changed again and you two are talking more than ever." 

He stopped for a millisecond, taking a breath for what seemed like the first time since he'd started talking.

"So it must be me. What have I done?" When John didn't reply and dropped eye contact with him altogether, Alexander sighed, sliding off the window ledge to stand.

"Please, John. We can't keep going like this." Still no reply. 

"Whatever it is, I'll fix it. Okay?"

"No, you won't." By the time he'd found his voice again, John realised he really had no idea what he was supposed to say.

"What?" A hollow laugh escaped his lips.

"You can't fix it. It's not something you've done."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I." Somehow, John found the courage to meet Alexander's gaze, and all he could do was laugh again.

" **Neither do I.** I don't understand how someone that came into my life as recently as you have can have such an effect on me. Me. Who doesn't date. Who doesn't do relationships."

"Wait, what are you -"

"Who now wants all those things with you?" He sighed loudly, not even noticing the shock written all over Alexander's face. Especially not noticing the slight relief that mingled in with that. It had been long enough that John had kept this to himself, that now the time had finally arrived for him to tell Alex, he couldn't stop.

"And, you know, I could've dealt with that, Alex. I could. If it weren't for Eliza, and what I thought you two had, then I would've been telling you this so much sooner and I wouldn't have been such a complete asshole about it all and we would be okay and now we're not ever going to be okay, probably, because I **was** such a complete asshole and -"

"John."

"- and then Eliza told me that you two were together for two whole years and I was like 'whoa, two years that's a really long time, I could never do that'. Because I could never do that for you, even if that's what you wanted, I don't think I even have it in me because no-one would want to put up with me for that long and you shouldn't have to settle for me for that long. You shouldn't have to settle for me at all, and -

**"John."**

" - you're way out of my league. Like, holy shit. So far out of my league. You're so much smarter than me and you're better at everything than me and I was stupid - well, I **am** stupid - to think that you would ever even see me in that way. Like, you told me you liked guys and I was... what? Hopeful? For like a second, and then I remembered who I was thinking about and it was **you**. Who's way too good for me and probably will always be way too good for me, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry that I was such a dick, and I'm sorry I made you feel like that, I'm sorry -"

"Laurens."

"I'm so sorry."

Silence cracked like a whip after John had finished speaking. His voice, which had risen to almost a yell by the time he'd finished, vanished in an instant. Tears (of what could have either been frustration or relief) were pooling behind his eyes, and his fingers were tangled in his hair and his jeans and shirt suddenly felt too tight because he couldn't breathe as what he had just said all came to light in his head. Albeit, it was a murky, dim light, as the alcohol was blurring a lot of his brain out, but it was still something.

He had just yelled at Alexander Hamilton.

About how much of a crush he had on him.

Well, fuck.

Alexander himself looked speechless. For the first time in the two and a half months - was that all? - they'd known each other, nothing smart was coming out of his mouth. In fact, nothing at all was. John sighed, clearing his throat and breaking eye contact with the other boy, looking around the small room they were in with unrealistic interest. 

"So... yeah. You can't fix it. But that's okay. It's my problem."

Again, Alexander still had nothing to say.

"Look, I'll - uh - see you downstairs, yeah?" Before even giving Alex a chance to reply, John had found the door handle and was flying out of the room, stumbling down the two flights of stairs to rejoin the fray.

*

Washington found John in the garden sometime later, sitting inbetween a couple of bushes smoking a cigarette that wasn't his. That apparently he didn't know who's it was. Or didn't care. Something of that ilk. He told the school president that he'd fucked up through the tears that were now running freely down his cheeks, ruined a friendship with someone that he wanted in his life for the rest of it. George (evidently having no idea what to do with himself or this extremely drunk and upset junior that he only knew through mutual friends) went back inside, leaving behind a promise that he would bring someone who could help.

Maria emerged from the house less than a minute later.

She was adjusting her red dress and pinning her hair back into its original position as she almost ran over to where John was now taking in desperate, panicked gulps of the cold air as though it would help him at all.

"Tell me what happened."

People could say what they wanted about Maria Reynolds. She'd been called almost every name under the sun by previous boyfriends - stupid, slut, untalented, worthless. There'd been a particularly bad one that had actually resorted to violence with her once. John had enlisted the help of Lafayette and Hercules to deal with him and they were all too thrilled to help.

But, to John, she was his rock, and the firm determination and clear concern in her voice did more to sober him up than water or the night air ever could.

"I told him." Maria crouched down in front of him, pushing his hair out of his face to analyse how much he was crying. To see how much she needed to fix.

"And?"

"And... I ran." Upon noticing how taken aback and seemingly disappointed she was, John felt a fresh wave of tears and guilt rise up within him.

"What was I supposed to do, Mar? I've never had to do this before, I don't know how to deal with it. I definitely don't know how to deal with rejection from someone I like this much."

"He rejected you?"

"I don't... I don't know. I left before he could say anything. I didn't want him to say anything. **Fuck**." He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, desperately trying to stop the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing. They were 90% alcohol anyway. He felt Maria's fingers encircle his wrist briefly before a voice sounded.

"John." 

A voice that wasn't Maria's. Immediately, John's hand gripped hers, asking her not to leave him to deal with this alone. But, he knew she knew best. So when she stood up, after kissing his head quickly and whispering a promise that she would be back as soon as he needed her, and left, John was almost ready to face the consequences.

Almost.

"Alex." Alexander walked over with a light foot, taking a seat in front of John. He sighed, taking the cigarette from between John's fingers and stubbing it out on the ground next to them. At John's protest, he scoffed.

"You don't smoke."

"I also don't yell at my friends because I have a crush on them. Tonight is about trying new things, I guess." His voice was low and muffled; the extended period of crying had taken its toll.

"Yeah, well, I think one of those new things you tried was a good one."

"You think I should take up smoking?"

"Very funny." John smiled somewhat.

"Why don't you date?" The smile was gone.

"I've... I've seen what guys do. I saw what my dad did to my mom when he had an affair, and then I saw what my stepdad did to her when he decided to take a job upstate and leave us without warning. I saw what happened to Maria when she was dating that James asshole. I saw what he did to her. He made her believe she wasn't worth anything, that all she was good for was sex, that she was so replaceable that he could go out to a club and bring home girls just to prove it to her. He **hit** her, Alex." He shook his head.

"And all three of those relationships started out so happy. I'm... I'm scared that the happiness at the start will turn into something else later on. Because it always seems to." Alexander nodded understandingly, pain flashing through his eyes momentarily. He didn't reply straight away, but he reached for John's hand, gripping it tightly.

"Look at me."

His voice wasn't harsh or demanding. It was soft, sounded almost as though someone could break it. Fragile. But it caught John's attention, hooked onto his gaze so that he met Alexander's eye even though he knew it would undo him.

"I understand if you don't want to date. But... I don't think it would be right to have both of us feel this way and do nothing."

"Both of us?"

"Yes, both of us, you complete idiot. You think I let you call me Alex just because it was easier for you? You think I told you I liked guys just because I wanted it out in the open? You think I didn't tell you about Eliza and I just because I liked keeping secrets from you? I didn't want anything to get in the way, in case you were crazy enough to like me in the way I wanted you to. I didn't want you to think you couldn't have me, in case you wanted me."

"I do."

"Then you're crazy."

"Maybe." John wanted to smile, wanted to grin more than was physically possible, but his brain didn't seem to cooperate. He settled for taking a deep breath and finally stopping crying, squeezing Alexander's hand with what strength he had and then dropping it so he could push himself up from the floor. Then, he stretched his arm out, offering it to Alex.

"Come on. If we're both out here for ages, people will think that I'm not the only crazy one."

Alexander grinned, taking his hand again and pulling himself up. 

Except this time, neither of them let go.

*

**_john: that was... [sent at 02:20]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: i know that a lot of the comments are going to say 'finally, for the love of god, why has it taken so long to get this fluffy did i literally ask for all that angst? no, i didn't. you're the worst person in the world' (well maybe not exactly that, but along those lines) BUT the fluffiness is finally here??? kind of??? whether it's here to stay or not is a different matter :):) thank you all so, so much for reading this story - we are now officially a third of the way through wooooo!!! all your ratings and comments make me so happy and i'm so glad i decided to publish my writing because it has given me so much confidence it's unreal. you're all amazing and hopefully i'll get up the next chapter soon!


	11. Chapter 11

**_john: that was... [sent at 02:20]_**  

**_alex: what? [sent at 02:21]_ **

_**john: ...pretty gay [sent at 02:21]** _

**_alex: like 50% gay [sent at 02:22]_ **

_**john: nah, i'm a strong 100 [sent at 02:22]** _

_**alex: oh. cant relate :( [sent at 02:23]** _

**_john: you got home okay, then? [sent at 02:24]_ **

_**alex: yeah, thanks. eliza's tendency to not drink is a blessing in disguise. [sent at 02:25]** _

_**john: yeah, guess so [sent at 02:27]** _

_**alex: you're staying over at herc's right? [sent at 02:28]** _

_**john: yeah [sent at 02:30]** _

_**alex: cool. i'm going to bed. see you on monday <3 [sent at 02:31]** _

*

John didn't check his phone after the last text he had sent, so he woke up to find Alexander's reply. And, like the self proclaimed nerd that he was, he couldn't help but grin stupidly at the heart emoji that Alex had sent. It was probably nothing, he reckoned, nothing that a 16 year old boy should get too excited over, anyway. Yet, here he was. 

11AM on a Sunday morning and he was freaking out in bed because Alexander Hamilton had used a heart emoji in a text to him.

He was in deeper than he intended to be and he was surprisingly okay with it.

*

The rest of Sunday had passed painfully slowly, but Monday finally came. John slid into Lafayette's car with a grin plastered on his face, finding himself met with pursed lips and frowns as the other two attempted to comprehend why their friend was so energetic first thing in the morning.

"You're blinding me there, Laurens. Tone down the pearly whites, yeah? It's too early to be happy." Hercules grumbled, looking at John in the rear view mirror as Lafayette turned off John's street.

"Leave me alone, I'm happy."

"I can see that. Any particular reason why?" Scoffing, John looked out of the window, trying and failing to keep the beam on his face at bay as his friends in the front looked between themselves suspiciously.

"You can't lie to us, John."

"I didn't say anything!" 

"You didn't need to! You've got full on heart eyes right now, and not in the sad, puppy, forever alone way you normally are."

"Shut up, Laf."

*

For the first time in a while, John practically bounced into World History. Excited for the very lesson that he'd spent the majority of sophomore year either skipping or falling asleep in. Unsurprisingly, Alexander was already there, textbook and notebook out ready. As John entered, he looked up from his phone (that he was attempting to hide under his desk inconspicuously) and looked over at him.

And as their eyes met, John was once again filled with that schoolboy excitement of meeting your crush for the first time in middle school, and he was feeling kind of sick because of how cringey the whole situation was. But, again, he didn't care. For all he cared, he could shout it out to the entire school and tell strangers about how much he liked Alexander Hamilton. They'd probably get annoyed, but he didn't care. Telling Alex had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders.

"Hey." John said breathlessly, taking his seat and dumping his bag on the floor.

"Hey." It could have been awkward, probably should have been considering the last time they saw each other in person John was drunk and crying. Thankfully, it wasn't. There was just something different between them now, a sense of awareness, perhaps. It was comfortable, in a different way than they used to be.

"You recovered from that hangover?" 

"Only just." Alexander chuckled, looking down at his notebook for a moment and playing with the corner before speaking again.

"What I mean by that is, are you sober enough to actually talk about us?"

"Yeah." The reply came almost too quickly, but John couldn't blame himself. He'd been waiting to give that answer for a while. 

"Good." Alexander smiled, and a warm feeling spread through John's chest. 

And, once again, he nearly threw up because of how much cringe he was experiencing.

*

"Laurens!"

John and Eliza were leaving their Algebra classroom, chatting between themselves about the lesson (which they'd spent discussing the party, with John spilling the entire situation about what happened with Alex and Eliza weighing in on what she had heard from Alex himself) when he heard it. An involuntary groan escaped him, and he took Eliza's hand to urge her to speed up. Her questioning look was met with his half annoyed half fearful glare, and she quickened her step to keep up with him.

"John Laurens!"

"Oh, for God's sake." John muttered under his breath.

"Who is it?" At Eliza's question, he shook his head but brought them to a standstill, pulling her closer as though her presence would protect him.

"Don't make direct eye contact. It'll only encourage him."

"Drama queen." Trying not to snort with laughter, John turned to look behind him at the person who was calling him.

"Hey, Charles." 

Charles Lee. The senior that, in his own words, never wanted to speak to him again.

"What's up?"

"Hey, Laurens." He glanced at Eliza, slight smirk forming on his face.

"Hi, Elizabeth." Clearly noticing the uncomfortable energy between the two, Eliza half smiled, playing with the hem of her skirt with one hand and squeezing John's with the other.

"What do you want, Charles?" At this very moment, John had absolutely no patience for the other man's queries. He hadn't seen Alexander since first period, when they'd agreed they needed to talk about 'what they were', so he was anxious to get to the cafeteria quickly and find him. What he really didn't need was a distraction in the form of the vice student president (what state of mind George Washington had to be in to choose him as his vice, John would never know).

"I can't just ask you how you are?"

" **You** can't, no."

"Okay, then, fine. I want to know whether one of your friends is single." John rolled his eyes.

"What? You didn't want me." 

"Oh, shut up. Which friend?"

"Uh... Alexander Hamilton, I think his name is?" 

If looks could kill, then Charles would have likely been dead twice over where he stood. The glare that came from John was one of such disgust that it was as though the older man had just said something so scandalous that everyone around them would be talking about it for days. Even Eliza looked as though she was having real trouble biting her tongue, face stony as a grin spread slowly across Charles' face.

"Calm down, you two. I'm totally messing with you. I heard you have a thing for him, Laurens. Just wanted to know if it was true." A growl formed at the back of John's throat.

"You could've just asked, Lee."

"Would you have answered honestly?"

"Would I fuck."

"There we go, then. You know what -"

"Eliza!" 

In the two years he'd known her, John didn't think he'd ever been so happy to hear Angelica Schuyler's voice.

*

**_alex: you and eliza seemed a bit off at lunch today, you okay? [sent at 16:38]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: here's chapter 11 finally!! it's not my best work, i know, and it's kind of a filler chapter, but i wanted to get charles lee involved again because he's going to come up at some point in the future. plus, the last chapter was so long and so full of information that i figured this one needed to slow down just for everyone to process it. i'm planning for a lot to happen in the next few chapters, so that's why not much did in this one!
> 
> also, side note, i was thinking about what the characters would look like (so like what outfits they would wear and stuff like that) so i decided to make a polyvore for it, so if you're interested you can check it out. so far there's eliza up and i'm working on john, alex and maria!
> 
> http://elizabeccah.polyvore.com/ 
> 
> thank you all so much for reading and i'll see you soon! sooner than you think, i hope xox


	12. Chapter 12

**_alex: you and eliza seemed a bit off at lunch today, you okay? [sent at 16:38]_**  

As soon as John opened his phone to that text, a sigh escaped him - earning him a strange look from his mother. Exasperation filled him, and he didn't reply for a while. He didn't know exactly how to explain to Alexander that Charles Lee was an asshole.

Actually, he did know exactly how to explain that, but he just felt he wouldn't be able to emphasise it enough. 

Plus, he was on his way to Maria's house to go out for dinner with her family and she would most likely know what to do.

*

"He actually asked that?" 

"Yeah."

"Asshole." 

John snorted, earning him a strange look from the waiter. He'd been filling Maria in on what had happened with Charles earlier that day, and, as expected, she didn't take it well.

She certainly didn't mince her words.

"I've never fucking liked him." Taking a swig of water angrily, Maria exhaled to calm herself before continuing. 

"He only said it to get at you, y'know."

"Yeah, I know. Seems like it's getting at you more though."

"Shut up, he irks me." John chuckled, stabbing his fork into his food and finding himself without an appetite. And obviously, Maria noticed.

"What's up?" He sighed, looking up the table at his mother and siblings before turning back to Maria to speak in a hushed tone.

"I don't know. I'm nervous."

"About what?"

"I - ugh. I need to sort out this whole Alex thing and Lee has just thrown me completely off. Like... I don't know, I was ready to ask him on the date, you know? And having to speak to Charles again, like why did he choose right now to try and have a conversation with me?" 

"Because he wants to confuse you, John!" Flailing hands and a shushing from her mother accompanied Maria's voice raise.

"He doesn't like that you fucked him over so he's trying to do the same to you." John scoffed indignantly.

"I didn't fuck him -"

"John Laurens, I tell you this with the most amount of love I can possibly muster as your best friend, but, yes, you did fuck him over." 

He could have argued with her. But he didn't, because he knew that she was right.

"That's why you're so nervous about Alexander. Because you don't know how to do the not sex thing. You don't know how to do the date thing."

*

**_john: yeah, fine [sent at 19:02]_ **

**_john: actually, no [sent at 19:03]_ **

**_john: can you come over? i want to talk [sent at 19:03]_ **

*

Oh, God. Maria was right. He didn't know how to do this. It had been such a spur of the moment text that he didn't even have time to think before he sent it. Deep down, he knew it was a good thing that he'd asked that - after all, if he didn't talk to him soon, he'd keep convincing himself he shouldn't and he would lose whatever he and Alex had managed to build up. 

John knew he was being stupid, knew he'd spent alone time with Alexander so many times before this. And it was bound to be different this time around, because so much had changed between them.

Funny what being drunk and upset could do.

Even opening the door to greet Alex felt strange (although that may be because John had to ask Alex to be quiet because his younger siblings were in bed and he didn't fancy explaining to his mother why a random boy turned up at his house at half 7 at night.) 

He led the other boy to his loft bedroom, being as light footed on the stairs as possible and attempting to stop the squeaking of the ladders leading up to his room.

It only now occurred to him he should probably have tidied up somewhat.

It wasn't messy per se, but it wasn't clean. Or at least, he didn't feel like it was clean enough for Alex.

"I like the amount of colour you have in here, Laurens." John rolled his eyes as he took a seat on his bed, resting his back against the wall and crossing his legs. His room had been painted completely white when he'd moved into the loft bedroom - his little brothers had wanted John's old room that was covered in superhero wallpaper so he'd elected to move rooms rather than redecorate.

"It's called minimalism, Hamilton."

"If you say so." Chuckling softly, Alexander crawled onto John's bed as well, sitting opposite him and half smiling.

"Hi." His voice was lower than normal and it made John feel suddenly relaxed. As though he had nothing at all to worry about. 

"Hi."

"What's up? Why aren't you fine?"

"I, uh..." 

Never mind, he was nervous again. The relaxation was nice while it lasted.

"I wanted to talk to you about us. Soberly."

"Okay." 

How was Alexander so chilled out about this? John couldn't even make eye contact with him, instead choosing to tug at his bedcovers to give himself something to do.

"Okay. First, I'm sorry for yelling at you." Alexander laughed quietly, and John felt the mattress shift as he adjusted himself so he was reclining against John's pillows.

"That's very okay."

"Well, no it isn't, but that's not important right now." Somehow, John found the courage to look up at Alex, and once he had done it was difficult for him to look away.

"I meant what I said, y'know. I don't remember a lot about that night, but I remember that. Because I'd been thinking it over in my head so much that I think when I finally said it it wouldn't have mattered how drunk I was. I would've remembered it. And I don't... I don't really know what to do with that. With you."

"Sorry."

"No, I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's scary, but I don't think it's bad." 

Silence filtered between them briefly as they both tried to find something to say. Alexander sat up, placing his hand on John's knee gently as though to steady them both.

"Can I say something?" Mouth suddenly very dry, John nodded.

"I don't know how your love life went before I met you. I've heard rumours, don't get me wrong, but rumours are vague and sometimes not true. I don't know if I believe them but it doesn't matter. If we're... going to be something... then whatever happened before doesn't matter." John opened his mouth to ask something, and Alexander realised what the question was going to be before any words came out.

"And yes, that includes Eliza and I."

"But you two are still -"

"Still best friends, yes. And we always will be. I love her. She was the most important person in my life for two years, I can't just... stop caring, y'know? Even if I could I wouldn't want to. If... if we're going to be together then you need to be okay with that. You need to understand that she isn't going anywhere. But I promise she isn't coming back into my life as my girlfriend again." 

"I don't want her to leave your life." The reply came immediately, as though to reassure Alex somewhat. John didn't want Eliza to go anywhere.

"Good. I want you both in my life." In spite of himself, John laughed.

"Damn you bisexuals. Greedy as hell." Alexander grinned.

"Shut up."

"Never thought you'd be living up to that stereotype."

"Shut  **up** , Laurens."

"I'm just saying -"

He didn't really have a choice in whether or not he shut up now, because suddenly Alexander leaned forward and pressed his lips against John's.

Not for long enough, though. By the time John had actually figured out what was happening, the other boy had pulled away and was looking at him with his stupid smile again.

"Uh..."

"You wouldn't shut up."

"You never shut up."

"Then maybe you should take some tips from me on how to shut someone up." John could feel the blush spreading across his face but he didn't even try to stop it.

"Maybe." There was a moment of silence again.

"So... are we together? Are we an official 'us'?" Alexander's smile got even wider at John's question, if that was possible.

"I hope so."

*

**_john: did you get home okay? [sent at 21:25]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm bACK! again... but yes hello here i am ready with another chapter for you! this isnt my best work, but i hope it's okay for you guys. i'm so sorry it's been a while, but hopefully i'll be back with more chapters very soon. thanks for sticking with me!<3


	13. Chapter 13

**_john: did you get home okay? [sent at 21:25]_**  

**_alex: yeah, thanks. mum kept asking me why i was grinning like an idiot, though ;) [sent at 21:26]_ **

**_john: you're so cringey ;) when did this happen to you? [sent at 21:26]_ **

**_alex: when i met you [sent at 21:27]_ **

**_john: oh my god [sent at 21:27]_ **

**_alex: i'm just messin with you ;) i've always been like this [sent at 21:27]_ **

**_john: oh dear, what have i let myself in for? ;) [sent at 21:29]_ **

**_alex: you'll learn to like it, trust me ;) [sent at 21:29]_ **

**_john: just this once then ;) [sent at 21:30]_ **

*

It was the last day before Christmas break.

It was also the day John and Alexander told everyone at school that they were together.

From the moment they walked into the cafeteria at lunch holding hands, Eliza (who had been reading something from Maria's phone with her at the time they entered) looked up, smiled at them, before noticing their linked arms. Her brow furrowed briefly in confusion before the realisation seemed to come over her. A knowing grin spread across her face and she knocked Maria's shoulder with her own to get her attention. John quickly leaned towards Alex before Maria could look up.

"Think we should play it cool?" His whispered question earned him a nod from Alexander.

"Yeah, let's pretend that we've decided to be really good friends."

"No homo, bro." Alexander snickered. Neither of them could say anything else before a squeal cut through the air and they turned back to see, not just Eliza and Maria, but the entire table of their friends staring at them.

"Maybe a bit of homo?" John shook his head, finding himself unable to stop the grin that split across his face as he made eye contact with Lafayette. His friend was sitting with a smirk on his face, arms folded, with the air of someone who had known exactly what was about to happen for a good while.

When the two of them made it to the table and sat down, they were greeted with an atmosphere of anticipation. John looked around at everyone, gaze lingering humorously on Maria, who he was sitting next to.

"What's up, guys?" Even Aaron Burr looked frustrated with the two of them now, as though he'd been waiting for them to buck up their ideas as long as everyone else.

"Not much, man." Hercules looked between Alex and John, struggling to hold back the smile that was turning up the corners of his face.

"Cool. How's your credit looking, Herc? You chill for graduation, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Nice."

"Stop it." Maria slapped her hand on the table, clenching her fist and hitting John's leg with the other. Alex squeezed his hand as she glared at John, eyes blazing.

"You can't just walk in holding hands and not tell us what happened. That's not how this friendship group works." If John hadn't been so amused by his best friend's intense frustration, he would have noticed Angelica glance shiftily at Eliza and Peggy.

"What, we have to tell everyone everything?" Alexander seemed offended, but his voice shook as though he was about to laugh.

"You're damn right you do, Hamilton. Get used to it."

"Ah, shit." Looking across at John, Alex smiled, a mischievous glint twinkling in his eyes.

"Should we tell them?"

"Maybe." An exasperated sigh came from Maria, nearly making John break his poker face.

"Guys, Alex came to my house last night... we've decided to give us a go. Not a big deal."

It was like the entire table breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Well, thank goodness."

"You guys sure took your sweet time."

"I am happy for you guys, but mainly because I couldn't deal with the angst anymore. The tension was ruining my lunchtime."

"Thanks, Peg."

*

For some reason, the last day flew past in a blur of congratulations and half assed lessons, and before John knew it, the group was lounging around in the living room at the Schuyler house. It had been Peggy's idea - a sleepover to commemorate the end of the first school quarter. No-one argued with her, mainly because the majority of the group were scared of Angelica.

But no-one really wanted to argue, because the Schuyler house was  **amazing**. It was to be expected really - the sisters father, Philip, was the Senator for New York and their mother, Catherine, was a successful piano player. It wasn't a problem for them to have everyone to sleep over for the night; when John walked in, he figured that their living room was the size of pretty much the entire bottom floor of his house.

It definitely had the 'Peggy' touch, though. The regular lights in the room were dimmed and the room was lit almost completely by twinkling fairy lights that were strung across the walls. Pastel blue, pink and yellow blankets, sheets and pillows were strewn on both couches and the mattresses on the floor, and there were lit candles on the mantelpiece above the fire and on coffee tables, filling the room with the scent of vanilla and jasmine.

And, as much as he loved parties, John couldn't help feeling that this was a nice change from the craziness that consuming alcohol usually included.

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life." Lafayette declared, taking a seat on one of the couches and looking at one of the photos on the table next to him in interest.

"Thanks. I stole ideas from Pinterest." Peggy grinned as Eliza switched the TV on. Everyone else took seats at various places around the room: Maria and Hercules took a seat on the mattress in the corner, having immediately realised that it was the optimal place to view the movie. Angelica claimed the couch behind them, unusually quiet as she tugged a blanket around herself, and Alexander fell onto one of the other mattresses just as Peggy took a seat next to him. As Eliza tapped Lafayette on the shoulder to help her bring in the drinks and snacks, John sat inbetween Alex and Hercules, adjusting one of the pillows behind his head to make himself more comfortable.

Some movie that came out at the time they were kids started playing on the TV as Eliza passed popcorn to everyone and Lafayette placed bottles of soda on the tables for easy access before they took a seat on the couch to watch the film with the rest of them.

It was almost like the drama that had gone down over the last month and a half had stopped existing.

*

John woke up early the next morning with his head tucked into Alex's shoulder and Maria sleeping on his chest. Throughout the night, everyone had pretty much fallen asleep on top of each other. Hercules was sleeping with his face buried in Maria's hair that she'd forgotten to tie into her normal braids or top knot before she fell asleep and his arm across her waist. Peggy had nodded off on the sofa behind them, having decided to sit with her oldest sister halfway through the second film - a horror that everyone regretted watching just before bed - but  Angelica had moved to the other sofa to let Peggy sleep comfortably. Lafayette was squashed in between the sofa and Eliza, who was on the other side of Alex.

So, when John decided he needed a drink and attempted to stand up, he found himself struggling to tell which legs were his.

Eventually though, he managed to untangle himself and stand up, venturing into the the kitchen as quietly as possible. As he poured himself a glass of water and took a drink, though, he realised he hadn't been quiet enough. Footsteps sounded behind him and he turned to see Alex standing behind him, rubbing his eyes and checking the time on his phone, the glare from the phone screen illuminating the kitchen.

"What's up?"

"It's five thirty in the morning."

"That's what's up?"

"No." Alex chuckled sleepily, running a hand through his hair to untangle the knots that had formed there.

"Why are you up?"

"Was thirsty. Why are  **you**  up?"

"Heard you get up." John laughed as Alex yawned and wandered towards him, sliding his arms around his waist and hugging him. He rested his forehead on John's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"It's too early to be thirsty." Scoffing, John wrapped his arms around Alex's shoulders.

"Says the boy that pulls at least one all nighter a week to finish what you're writing."

"Shut up. I've done three all nighters in a row this week." He spoke into John's chest, his voice seeming lower than usual.

"Why?!" His voice almost raised above the whispered tone he was cautiously speaking in. Alex shrugged.

"Busy. Extra credit."

"Please tell me you're taking a break over Christmas." After not replying for a moment, Alex pulled back to look up at John, smirk crossing his features.

"Depends. Are you planning on taking me to that pizza place again, because if you are, I'll take a break every day." John grinned.

"Then I'll take you every day." He sighed, kissing Alex quickly before drinking the rest of his glass and leaning back against the counter behind him.

"Do you think we should've told everyone so soon?"

"It's not really that soon. We've been together nearly three weeks now. Likely thing is, we should have told them earlier."

"Maybe." In spite of how well everyone had taken the news, John chewed his lip nervously. The group had never known John in a relationship. 

Never mind them. John had never known John in a relationship.

"It won't change anything." Almost as though Alex could read his mind, he had an answer ready. His tone was soothing, and he took John's hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

"My mom always says - those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Right?" A smile began to creep onto John's face again. He couldn't help it.

"Right."

"Good. Now. Let's go back to sleep. It's the first time I get to go to sleep next to you and it's been rudely interrupted by you and your desire for water." John had to hold back a laugh.

"This might be the first time we're sleeping next to each other, but we're also sleeping next to Laf, Eliza, Maria and Herc."

"Yeah? That makes it  **even better**."

*

**_alex: john [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: are you awake [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: wake uppppp babe [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: it's chRISTMAS DAY [sent at 00:02]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: okay here's another chapter to make up for how long i left you guys without an update! 
> 
> also, in case anyone is confused (i realised some of you might be because i haven't really clarified this throughout the story) these are the years that the characters are in at school:
> 
> angelica, washington, hercules, jefferson and charles lee are seniors
> 
> john, alex, eliza, maria, lafayette, madison and burr are juniors
> 
> and peggy is a sophomore
> 
> also, i don't know how the ages work for schools in america because i'm in the UK, but i'm just taking it as the academic year is measured in the UK (september - august) - for example, hercules just turned 18 (in december), but angelica won't be 18 till august. alexander will be 17 in january but john and maria won't be 17 till june and eliza won't be 17 till august. peggy will be 16 in july.
> 
> i hope that makes sense! i apologise for this extra long AN but thanks so much for reading and i really appreciate all your kudos and comments!<3


	14. Chapter 14

**_alex: john [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: are you awake [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: wake uppppp babe [sent at 00:01]_ **

**_alex: it's chRISTMAS DAY [sent at 00:02]_ **

**_john: oh my god, alex [sent at 00:04]_ **

**_john: you are 16 years old [sent at 00:05]_ **

**_alex: yeah?? it just means it's my 16th christmas doesn't it??? [sent at 00:06]_ **

**_john: you're a nerd [sent at 00:07]_ **

**_alex: correct [sent at 00:07]_ **

**_john: i'm going back to sleep now. i'll text you when i wake up of my own accord, yeah? <3 [sent at 00:08]_ **

**_alex: :(:(:(:( boring [sent at 00:09]_ **

**_alex: but, fine [sent at 00:09]_ **

**_alex: happy christmas <3 [sent at 00:10]_ **

*

Christmas break went by far too fast, in a blur of coffee dates (well, more like hot chocolate dates for John and his aversion to coffee), scribbled notes on subjects that he couldn't remember studying for school and calls with Maria about her new 'friend' that she was keeping a secret, Laf and Herc about their plans for tryouts in the new year. Before John knew it, it was New Years Eve, and he and his family were getting ready to head to the Reynolds' house for the party they were holding.

After he had chosen to get his little sister ready instead of his younger brothers (it was easier to brush her hair into pigtails and tie her shoes rather than wrestle the twins into their outfits) and driven over to Maria's, they were late and practically ran through the door.

"Mar." John flung his arm around Maria's shoulders in a quick hug. His breathing was slightly heavy after chasing one of his brothers into the garden to bring him back inside. Luckily, he was playing with the other kids now, so he finally got to greet his friend. When he pulled away and looked down at her, though, he found that she had the same grin on her face as she did whenever she was planning something.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're wearing your evil genius smile." She snickered, looking pointedly over his shoulder.

"Mom said I could invite a few more friends if I wanted. So I did." In complete confusion, John turned to follow her gaze. 

Alexander Hamilton was leaning back against a counter with a bottle of soda in his hand, talking to someone he couldn't see.

"What...?"

"Well. It's your first New Years as a couple, isn't it? I didn't think it was right that you had to spend it apart." John turned back to her to protest.

"My mum doesn't know yet." Maria shrugged.

"Then don't act like a couple near her. There's a lot of people here. Blend in." Despite himself, he smiled at her.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?"

"Not nearly often enough."

*

"You weren't here last year." Alexander jumped as John suddenly appeared next to him, sliding an arm around his waist.

"Shit. Warn me next time you're planning on sneaking up on me."

"I'm the one that needs warning? You didn't think to tell me you were coming?" Passing John a soda from the counter, Alex shrugged, smile turning up the corner of his mouth.

"It was a surprise."

"Hm, okay then." John pressed a kiss to Alex's temple before his gaze turned to Hercules, who was the person that Alex had been having a conversation with. 

"Hey, man."

"Hey, Laurens. Why didn't I get the same greeting as Hammy here?" 

"You were here last year. It's old news now."

No-one decided to mention that last year Hercules was there because he and Maria were together.

Or as close as together as they were ever going to get.

Instead, John stood on his tiptoes and craned his neck to look over as many heads as possible to try and see if anyone else he knew was there. He made eye contact with his sister, who beamed and waved at him, her hair already falling out of the hairbands he tied in there not half an hour ago, and saw the back of his mother's head talking to someone he didn't know. But other than that, he didn't really see anyone else, so he turned back to Hercules and Alex.

"Who else did she invite, then?"

"The Schuyler girls." Hercules looked over his shoulder in an attempt to locate them.

"Peggy's over there and Angelica is... somewhere else. I haven't seen Eliza."

"She couldn't come." Alex's reply came just that little bit too quick and sounded just that little bit too defensive. A moment of silence as Hercules glanced at John before the two of them looked down at the other boy, who seemed extraordinarily interested in his drink now.

"Ah. Is she okay?" This time, he replied slowly and carefully, almost as though he was thinking through every word. A very uncharacteristic move for Alexander.

"Yeah, she's fine."

"Good." It could have been awkward if they'd allowed it, but John immediately spoke.

"How come she invited all three of them? I thought she was mainly friends with Peg?"

"She is, but she's been getting closer to Angelica recently." Hercules said nonchalantly. 

"And Eliza?" 

"What? Oh, yeah, and Eliza." 

John had no idea what was happening - both Hercules and Alexander were being weird. For a second, he considered asking why, but he decided against it.

It was New Years Eve. He was going to enjoy himself.

*

_Ten minutes to midnight._

"This song sucks."

"You suck."

"Calm down, Peg. I said I didn't like the song, I didn't say Avril Lavigne was the spawn of Satan."

"You may as well have. Traitor."

*

_Five minutes to midnight._

"You got a resolution, Herc?"

"Yeah. To graduate."

"That's such an easy one."

"You never know."

"You're in talks for a scholarship to NYU."

"... You got a resolution then, John?"

"To eat more cookies."

"I think you're supposed to eat more healthy?"

"I already eat healthy. I need to have fun, man."

*

_Two minutes to midnight._

"You going to tell me where Eliza really is?"

"I told you."

"You told me she was busy at home."

"She is."

" **Alexander**."

" **Maria**."

"Peggy."

"It's not the time."

*

_One minute to midnight._

"Have you had a good year this year, then?" John found himself in a corner with Alexander again, with 60 seconds to go before the New Year was rung in. A small part of him was somewhat concerned that his mother would randomly appear and question him on why he was in the arms of a boy she'd never met in the corner of her best friends kitchen.

The bigger part of him didn't care.

"Honestly?" Alex paused.

"And don't get too cringed out when I say this... but I think this has been the best year of my life so far." 

Prior to meeting Alexander, John would have one hundred percent found that gross and would have ran far away from whoever had said it to him. But, for some reason, this time it just made him grin childishly and pull Alex just that little bit closer to him.

"That's literally the cringiest thing you've ever said to me."

"I didn't mean only because of you, you narcissist." A pause ensued in which John stuck out his bottom lip and Alex rolled his eyes.

"But a lot of it was because of you, to be fair."

_Thirty seconds to midnight._

"You're saying a narcissist had made your life better? May as well be dating Laf's cousin." Alexander pulled a face.

"Never say that to me again. I'll leave James Madison to that."

"If you say so."

_Ten._

"Jefferson's quite hot."

"Shut up."

_Nine._

"I'm just saying -"

"Well, don't."

_Eight._

He didn't.

Alexander was glaring at him in a half serious half amused way and John could swear that he'd never found anything more attractive.

_Seven._

He wondered where his mother was.

_Six._

Maybe with his siblings. They'd probably fallen asleep by now, even after saying they were going to stay up till midnight.

After all, his sister was only 7 and his brothers were only 5.

_Five._

Maybe Maria's mother had had the same idea as her daughter and invited the guy that his mother had been speaking to recently.

Maybe she was in the same situation as he was.

_Four._

Not that it was a bad situation.

Because Alexander was leaning closer - if that was physically possible.

_Three._

He was thanking all the gods that it was physically possible.

_Two._

Happy new year, indeed.

_One._

Alex kissed him.

Fireworks went off.

They were unrelated statements.

Kind of.

And then, time sped up again (John didn't even notice that it slowed down) and he didn't know how long they'd been kissing for. It hadn't been for long enough. Then someone was pulling them apart. Was it Peggy or Maria? In the dim light in which he could only see the curly hair, so he couldn't quite tell. As soon as he'd figured out that it was Peggy, her dress was her signature yellow, he could tell that something was wrong. She'd whispered something in Alex's ear and his face lost all colour, becoming a pasty white that John had never seen him like before. Peggy was crying and suddenly Angelica was there - it was the first time he'd seen her at the party that night - and she was saying something to Alexander that John couldn't hear over the music.

Maria arrived almost at the same time as Angelica, and looked just as confused as John felt as she skidded to halt next to Peggy. Then Hercules was there as well, next to John, asking why Peggy was crying and why Alex looked as though he was going to pass out. He was all John could hear - he couldn't hear what Peggy was saying to Alex, but it looked like she was pleading with him for something. He couldn't hear what Maria was asking Angelica, but he assumed that it was because of how heavily Angelica was breathing.

"John, what's happening?" 

He heard that.

He didn't have an answer.

He just shook his head and shrugged, not taking his eyes off Alexander even for a second.

Alex looked as though he was in shock. In the entire time since this situation had turned around he hadn't moved, despite Peggy gripping his arm and Angelica speaking to him in what looked like a heated conversation. John felt as though he was in a trance as he reached towards his boyfriend, wrapping his fingers around his wrist to try and get his attention.

"Alex."

This seemed to trigger something within Alexander. He looked up at John slowly, eyes gleaming with what John hoped weren't unshed tears. Then he took a deep breath, pulled himself out of John's grip and turned to Peggy. He said something quietly and pulled out his phone, taking one last look at John - an almost apologetic look in his eye as he did so - then took Peggy's hand and all but ran out of the room, Angelica in pursuit.

And then he was gone.

Just like that.

John, Hercules and Maria stood in confusion for a moment. The three of them looked at each other, and none of them wanted to say anything because they were sure they were all thinking the same thing.

They didn't know what, but something had gone horribly wrong.

Maria was the first to speak.

"Uh. Should we call them?" 

Hercules shook his head slowly.

"They'll call us if they need us." She didn't seem comfortable with this idea.

"I don't want to stay here thinking I can't do anything. Maybe we should call Eliza?"

A second passed before the terrible thought struck John like a punch in the stomach. He looked over at Hercules, who was looking at Maria with a pained look on his face. Almost as though he was thinking the same thing as John.

"What?" She didn't understand. John didn't want her to understand. Hercules looked at John.

"You don't think...?"

"Yeah, I do." It was the first time in a while that John had spoken, and his voice was low and sounded as though it was in danger of cracking.

"Why else would specifically those three be so panicked?"

"Don't." Hercules closed his eyes, taking a drink of the beer that he was holding.

"Don't say it, John. We can't think that."

"Think what?" No-one answered her.

"What? John?" 

He cursed silently. She knew that he couldn't lie to her.

"One of you needs to tell me what's going on. I was here too. I saw how upset Angelica was when her father called her..." Maria tailed off, and John knew that they were all thinking the same thing now.

"No. Don't think that. She's fine." 

They all thought it anyway.

"Alexander said she was at home."

That didn't help.

Now all that was between the three of them was the blasting music and the sound of surrounding conversations, many of them shouting 'Happy New Year'.

And John was just hoping against hope that would turn out to be true.

*

_**john: alex? [sent at 02:19]** _

_**john: babe? [sent at 02:24]** _

_**john: you guys are all okay aren't you? [sent at 02:30]** _

_**john: you're okay, right? [sent at 02:46]** _

_**john: please just tell me everything's okay [sent at 02:53]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: third day in a row wooo!!!! i have such inspo at the moment whattt. this chapter is an important one, hence the fact that it is longer than most of my other ones, but the next one is an even more important one, because it throws in a plot twist that changes the game for all the characters >:) this chapter is kind of the segway into the plot twist. if you can guess what that plot twist is you'll get a hella gold star from me
> 
> last thing, today i had a vague idea floating about in my head for a sequel to this. so, i'm wondering, would you like to see a sequel for this, and if you would, what would you like to see in it? the same pairings? different pairings? more angst, more fluff etc? lemme know <3


	15. Chapter 15

**_john: alex? [sent at 02:19]_ **

**_john: babe? [sent at 02:24]_ **

**_john: you guys are all okay aren't you? [sent at 02:30]_ **

**_john: you're okay, right? [sent at 02:46]_ **

**_john: please just tell me everything's okay [sent at 02:53]_ **

**_alex: [not seen]_ **

*

For the next three days, John had to pretend that he was completely okay.

Okay with not knowing anything about what had happened.

The end of the party dragged by. It was spent mainly in Maria's room, sitting on Maria's bed with his back against the wall, staring at nothing while the three of them tried to talk themselves out of the uneasy feelings that were running through them. At about one in the morning, they accepted that they were all extremely worried and quietened down. Hercules walked off silently to the spare room where he was staying. John could almost sense Maria's desire to ask him not to, to ask him to stay in her room for tonight. She didn't like sleeping alone when she was worried.

Surprisingly enough, neither did John.

So, he slipped downstairs - promising an almost tearful Maria that he wasn't going anywhere for too long - stating to his mother that he was staying here tonight. She didn't question, especially after Maria's mother said that they all might as well stay anyway.

Before he went back to Maria's room, John knocked on the door to the spare room where Hercules was staying. He knew that his friend probably wouldn't want to talk about it. He never did. But he stuck his head in the room anyway, wishing Hercules goodnight and making a silent agreement that they wouldn't speak about it tonight.

The only mention of the situation was:

"I'll text Laf."

Laf. Who had flown to France the day after Peggy's sleepover.

John nodded.

Then left to go back to Maria's room.

In the time he'd been gone, she'd changed into her pyjamas (her dress tossed carelessly in the middle of the floor of her otherwise impeccably clean room), turned the light off and gone to bed, her back facing the door that John closed carefully behind him.

He probably could've slept on the spare bed.

He didn't.

Pulling back the covers of her bed gently, John kicked off his shoes and slid in next to Maria, finding himself not even noticing that he was wearing the same outfit he'd been wearing all night. After a split second of silence, he felt Maria turn over so she was facing him and heard her whisper.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Herc okay?"

"He's always okay."

"That's what he wants us to think." More silence.

John fucking hated silence.

*

It was the last day before school resumed and John had had enough.

He drove around to Alexander's apartment building at nine o'clock in the morning (he would be up - he was always up) and got out of his car, cursing at the fact he hadn't brought an umbrella.

**Buzz.**

"Hello?" That was Alex's voice. His mother must be out.

"Anyone there?" John mustn't have spoken soon enough. Too focused on how exhausted his boyfriend sounded.

"Alex?" A pause that was filled with nothing but the static of the microphone.

"What're you doing here?"

"Getting wet and freezing my ass off, currently. You going to let me in?"

There was a brief moment that John thought he wasn't going to. Where he thought that it had gotten so bad that he didn't want to see anyone.

But there was another buzz and the door unlocked and John all but ran inside.

*

"You shouldn't be here." 

It wasn't the welcome he'd initially wanted. Not that John cared at that very moment. 

Alex looked awful.

Not as in less attractive, because John didn't think that was possible, but as in  **ill**. He'd noticed it as soon as Alex had opened his front door and let him walk in. John closed the door behind him, hoping that the other boy wasn't going to comment on the fact that he was evidently staring. The dark circles under his eyes were now a vicious shade of purple, standing out against his grey face and made ever more prominent by the messy bun that had been tied at the back of Alex's head. His clothes were creased and baggy and his eyes had lost the sparkle that they seemed to always contain.

John didn't know what to say to him. 

He just hugged him instead.

As soon as John had shrugged his coat off and draped it over the back of the sofa, he took the three strides across the room to where Alexander was standing with his back to him. Something inbetween a plea and a question fell from his lips as he pulled the other boy around to face him so he could wrap his arms around him in what he hoped was a comforting embrace. If not for Alex, then for him. He hadn't realised how worried he'd been until he was confronted with the situation in person.

It took a second, but Alexander returned the hug, squeezing John's back just as tightly as he was. And John felt a little like he couldn't breathe, but that just made him all the happier that Alex was real - he was there in that moment, and in that moment whatever had happened didn't matter. 

"Alex." John felt him shake his head.

"Please talk to me." 

"I can't."

 _Shit._  When did he start crying?

"Yes, you can."

"I -"

"Alex, I'm your boyfriend." 

"I know." He pulled himself out of John's grip, looking down at the floor and wiping his eyes in an attempt to hide what was blatantly obvious.

"But I don't think... I don't think you will be if I talk to you about this."

If his heart could have physically fallen out of him, then would have been the moment it would have happened. 

For a long moment, John stared at him, lost for words.

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

" **Alexander.** "

"Look, I..." Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair and inhaling shakily.

"I need to go to the hospital." He looked up at John, his eyes dull and resigned.

"Will you come?"

John had no idea why he was going to the hospital. All he could do was hope that he wasn't about to see Eliza in an awful state. But he couldn't leave him.

"Yeah, of course I'll come."

*

Upon arriving at the hospital, John realised that his hope about Eliza was completely warranted. She wasn't injured, or ill, or in a hospital bed whatsoever as he had expected, but he was taken aback by her appearance in the same way he had when Alexander had opened the door to him earlier.

Makeup free and hair distractedly shoved into two braids down her back, as soon as she noticed the two of them enter she was in front of them.

What John noticed though, was that - while Eliza looked just as worn out as Alex did - she seemed relieved about something.

Alexander had spoken before Eliza could comment on John's presence.

"How is he?"

"He's better. The doctor said he might be able to come home tomorrow. They're with him now."

Something came over Alex in that moment, and it seemed as though the weight of the world was lifted of his shoulders.

"Really?" Eliza nodded, beaming.

_Well, this is awkward._

"Sorry, John. You okay?" Almost as though she noticed that he was slightly uncomfortable, Eliza turned to John, hugging him quickly and glancing sideways at Alexander to ask him the question that everyone was thinking.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?"

"I am now." No-one had a reply for that for a while.

"Um... I'm going to go see him, okay?" 

"Yeah. I'm waiting for Dad anyway." Eliza looked between Alexander and John in a strange way, as though she was trying to both apologise and comfort the two of them using only her eyes.

Alex took John's hand and pulled him (confusingly enough) towards the sign that said 'Children's Ward.'

*

After a silent walk down a long, uncomfortably clinical looking corridor, the two of them reached a door with a buzzer. Alex went to press it, but just before he did, he stopped himself and turned to John.

John thought he was going to say something.

But he kissed him instead. 

Not in the way that he normally would - either fleetingly after class before running to get his ride home, or passionately when he was at John's house and was worried that they wouldn't have enough time together and wanted to make the most of it. It was more like he was scared or something. Like the kisses John imagined you have just before one of the biggest moments of your life, when you're not altogether sure whether or not you'll have another.

He didn't like the feeling of dread that came over him as Alex pulled away.

Before he could ask why, or what was going on, Alexander had pressed the buzzer and the ringing of the phone filled the air.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm here to see Philip Hamilton?" 

John didn't remember Alex ever mentioning a Philip.

"Alexander is that you?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Hello, dear."

"Hi, Mrs Washington."

Huh. John had never known George's mother was a receptionist at this hospital.

They were buzzed in, and Alexander rushed through the doors. It worried John that he didn't know whether he was nearly running to get to whoever Philip was or to get away from John.

By the time he caught up, Alex was at the desk.

"- and yes, the doctors are finished so you can go in to see him whenever you wish."

"Thanks." Mrs Washington looked at John as he stood next to Alex.

"I haven't seen you come to visit before, dear." 

"Oh, yeah, this is John. He's my -" 

Something inside John shifted as Alexander paused.

"- boyfriend."

"And a very supportive one at that, if he's here." Alex's smile was forced.

"Well, you know where he is, Alexander. If you need anything, you know where I am."

A rushed thanks fell from Alex's lips as he took John's hand again (much more tentatively than last time) and led him towards one of the rooms that were leading off the ward. 'Hamilton, Philip' was written on the door in board marker, and there were stickers of barnyard animals adorning the nearby walls. Maybe it was a way to make this place more enjoyable for the kids. 

Taking a deep breath and a fleeting look at John, Alexander pushed the door open.

The room was a pale shade of yellow and displayed clear signs of attempts to make it seem less like a hospital room. Signed pictures of characters from some of the most famous children's movies were hung on the walls, the curtains were patterned with beach scenes, the floor was covered by a rug with a car track on it.

Nothing could take away the fact that this was a clinical place, however, because from the minute John looked at the crib where a baby - couldn't be more than six months old - was sleeping.

Immediately, Alex rushed over to the side of the bed, but John seemed to be rooted to the spot at the door where he stood.

His gaze was no longer sweeping the room; it was focused entirely and intensely on the placard behind the baby's bed.

_PATIENT: Hamilton, Philip Edward._

_CONDITION: Stable._

_REASON FOR ADMITTANCE: Severe reaction to chicken pox._

_IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, CALL:_

_Miss Elizabeth Schuyler - Mother._

_Mr Alexander Hamilton - Father._

_Senator Philip Schuyler - Grandfather._

*

"...John?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: oh boy. don't you love a good plot twist??
> 
> halfway through this story already guys, can you believe it?!?!! thank you all so so much for sticking with me through the patches of non uploads and times like this, where there's an upload nearly every day!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter, and here's to another 15 <3


	16. Chapter 16

"...John?"

His  **son**.

Alexander had a son.

Alexander had a son  **with Eliza**.

"John, please say something."

He tried. He opened his mouth to say something, yet his brain could not seem to get itself into gear. It just wouldn't form coherent sentences. It was too busy simultaneously swimming in confusion and understanding everything.

Because everything made sense now. 

Angelica and Peggy had never mentioned a second sister because their second sister was pregnant and most likely being homeschooled for her sophomore year. Alexander and Eliza had moved at the same time because they both needed to be together most of the time because of the son they'd shared. Peggy had missed that big cheerleading competition last July because Eliza was giving birth - not because she'd thrown up in the car on the way there. All those times he'd seen Eliza driving away from Alexander's apartment when he was arriving. Those hastily hidden children's toys and blankets in Alex's room that John had just thought was Alex's from when he was younger.

Pieces of a puzzle that he never wanted to be making were fitting seamlessly together in his head.

"Anything."

Finally, John looked at Alexander. 

"I -" He squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to take a step back and stumbling into the door frame instead. Alex was immediately back on his feet - glancing down at his son (who was still sleeping peacefully) before crossing halfway across the room to John. He stopped when John held up his left hand.

"I don't even - why... why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't -"

"Alexander!" It seemed John wouldn't know what Alexander was going to say, because he found himself in the presence of Senator Philip Schuyler. John stepped aside to let him enter, starting as he realised that he was looking at him expectantly. 

Had Philip asked him a question?

Probably, considering Eliza answered for him.

"This is John Laurens, Papa. Alex's boyfriend." John shook himself as Philip Schuyler extended a hand - he smiled and shook his hand as casually as possible considering he felt as though he needed to lie down.

"Nice to meet you, Senator Schuyler."

"Likewise, Mr Laurens." Philip turned to look at his namesake, smiling briefly at Alexander before turning back to John.

"Is this your first time meeting my grandson?"

"I - uh, yeah, it is."

"I'm sorry that it's under these circumstances." Over the older man's shoulder, John made eye contact with Alexander. The other boy looked almost on the verge of tears.

"Me too." Eliza was looking between the three people in the room, visibly awkward as the tension seeped into the room.

"Well, uh... I need to go." He grasped the doorframe again, hoping that he looked somewhat normal and not as sick as he was feeling and turned to walk out of the room. 

*

It was still raining.

Vaguely, John acknowledged the people coming in and out of the hospital as he exited it and got into his car.

As he started the engine, it said the screen wash fluid level was low.

What a stupid notice. It didn't matter that there was no wash fluid. It was raining.

A knock on the passenger side window made him start, and he turned to see Eliza tapping on it.

He didn't want to talk to her.

But he didn't like seeing her as drenched as she was, so he leaned over and opened the door.

"Thank you." 

"Do you need a lift somewhere?" His own voice sounded foreign to him - it was monotone and ten times more resigned than usual.

"No."

"Then why are you here." It wasn't even a question.

"To apologise."

"For what?"

"For not telling you."

"It wasn't your place to tell me."

"Well -"

"You're not the one I'm dating."

"I'm the mother of his child, though."

To hear someone actually say it out loud for the first time actually pained John. He closed his eyes, gripping the steering wheel as though he was going to rip it off and inhaling deeply.

"Eliza... don't take this to mean that I hate you, or that I don't like you or whatever... but please get out of my car."

She did. There was a long pause, in which she briefly took his hand and squeezed it, but she opened the door to his car, taking a moment to adjust her skirt before braving it into the rain once again.

John didn't let himself feel bad. He just drove out of the parking lot.

*

"John! Your friend is here!"

His mother's voice woke him. John had been sleeping since he got home from the hospital (all the nights awake over the last three days had amounted to him crashing the moment his head hit the pillow), so it took him a second to wake up properly.

"Okay, I'll be down in a second."

"No, it's okay, I've sent him up."

 **Him**?

Was Laf back from France already?

Sitting up in his bed, he ran a hand over his face and looked over at the stairs that led into his room, expecting the inevitable 'bang' that came everytime Lafayette visited (his height always led him to hit his head on the sloped roof of his room). But, instead, he found himself looking directly into Alexander Hamilton's tear filled eyes for the second time that day.

"Can I come in?"

"You are in." 

"I mean -"

"Yes. Of course you can come in."

John didn't move. He stayed, wrapped up in his bedcovers as he watched Alex walk over tentatively and sit on the very edge of his bed - looking at him with wide eyes and seeming as though he wanted to say something that he hadn't thought of yet.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you - like you're lost." Alex bit his lip, and as though it wasn't hard enough already - John couldn't find it within himself to be mad at him.

"Just... why didn't you tell me? If you'd have told me from the start -"

"I know. It would have been easier."

"Well... I don't know if 'easier' is the right word. But, at least I would have  **known**."

"Yeah." 

Normally, the silence between them was comfortable. Easy, as it were. It was normally filled with Alexander writing at the speed of light in one of his many journals, with John running a hand through his hair and scrolling through whatever social media he was into at the time on his phone. Or it was full of John playing with Alex's Golden Retriever and Alex having a virtual argument with someone on the internet.

Now it was tense, and John was left wondering whether or not he was allowed to touch Alex at all. He wanted to - wanted to pull him close and make him feel better about everything. But the space between them seemed huge and impassable to John.

Not to Alex, though. 

Apparently.

After a couple of seconds of horrible silence that lasted an eternity, Alexander crawled over to where John was bundled against his headboard, taking John's hands and unwrapping the blankets from around him so he could get closer to him.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think we'd get here. I never thought that you'd want to be with me. So I figured that, when Eliza and I were ready, we'd tell you all. And then, when we got together I... I don't know. I was too scared to say anything because I thought you would leave me. I was going to tell you on New Years, but then Philip got rushed into hospital and then it was so crazy and I don't -"

"Alex."

"Yeah?"

"Sh." 

John didn't want to talk about it right then. He had Alexander in his bed. He just wanted to forget about what had happened. Wanted everything to be normal again for just that moment.

Thanks to Alexander's need to be as close to him as possible when explaining things, it made the next part easy.

He leant forward and kissed him softly. But not even that was enough to shut Alexander Hamilton up.

"John." Half listening, John moved to kiss down his neck slowly, pausing to glide his lips over his pulse as Alex spoke.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"...What do you want me to do?" There was a pause.

"I've never done this before." Another pause as Alex realised what he'd said.

"Never done this with a guy, anyway."

"It's okay."

"No, but -"

"Alexander." John pulled back to look at him, finding Alexander was biting his lip again.

This time, it had completely different connotations. 

"I don't care. Even a little bit."

Luckily, this time, they didn't stop kissing.

John thanked whatever God there may be that his room was two floors above where his mother was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: thIS IS A SHORT AUTHORS NOTE BECAUSE I LITERALLY HAVE TO LEAVE TO GO TO WORK IN FIVE MINUTES AND HAVEN'T DONE MY MAKEUP YET BUT I WANTED TO UPDATE SO HERE'S A CHAPTER WITH SOME SUGGESTIVE STUFF IN (YES WHAT YOU THINK IS HAPPENING IS HAPPENING WITH LAMS >:) ) PLEASE ENJOY THANK YOU FOR READING I LOVE YOU GUYS <3


	17. Chapter 17

**_alex: i left my jacket at your house the other night, will you bring it to school please? <3_ **

**_john: yeah, you got it <3_ **

*

The next couple of weeks were strange.

Angelica kept taking glances at John whenever they passed in the corridor or sat together at lunch - almost as though she was afraid of something.

Peggy spent a lot of time having hushed conversations with her sisters and occasionally Alexander, while becoming just a little bit more distant from the group.

Hercules maintained that he didn't totally freak out at the party.

Lafayette was confused.

So was Burr.

Maria threw concerned looks between John and Alex whenever they were around.

Eliza became oddly quiet.

Alexander and John were pretending that nothing was wrong.

Either that, or they were just ignoring it.

Everyone wanted to ask what I had happened over New Years but no-one did.

Out loud at least.

*

"Is everything okay?" Maria asked it one day, tone light and offhand, as they were leaving the cafeteria after lunch. She was fiddling with the straps of her backpack and looking ahead of her. Clearly avoiding John's eye. 

"Yeah?"

"Answering a question with a question is a clear defensive sign."

"You watch too much Criminal Minds."

"There is no such thing as too much Criminal Minds, John Laurens, that's the first thing you need to know." John snickered, stopping outside of Maria's classroom to talk to her before he had to rush off to his own lesson.

"Yes, Mar. Everything's fine."

"Everyone's being weird."

"Since the party?"

"Yeah."

"Well... y'know. It was weird." Maria shrugged.

"But everything's alright with you and Alexander?"

"Yes."

Maybe if he said it enough it would be true.

*

Walking home that night, he realised something. 

If John was completely honest with himself he knew he needed to talk the whole situation through with Alex. How it affected them as a couple, their future - if they even had one. A baby was  **huge** , even if Alexander and Eliza tried to pretend it wasn't. If it was a situation in which Philip had been born of a one night stand (a mistake, as it were), he could have handled it better. Because there would have been no emotional connection, and he would never have to worry about Eliza being ever present in Alexander's life. And it wasn't that he didn't trust Alex or Eliza. But he supposed that raising a child together meant more to the parents if the child had been born from a relationship that was loving at the time.

His father never loved his mother. And she never loved him, really. They weren't together for long before his mother fell pregnant; John was a high school mistake, in no uncertain terms. His father was only meant to be in New York for a year, he was planning on moving back to North Carolina afterwards. The only reason he stayed was a sense of duty towards the baby he was unwillingly having. 

John was four when he left - announced to his mother that he was still in love with his ex from back home and upped and left. Every Christmas and Birthday he sent a card with updates inside about the last six months in his life. Occasionally, he sent photos of and messages from the stepmother and the half brother and sister that John had never met.

Apparently their names were Dominic and Katrielle.

He'd like to meet them, don't get him wrong.

He just didn't want to see his father again.

But when his mother met his step-father, when John was around five, everything changed for her. It wasn't a rushed relationship, thrown together by the panic of having to raise a child. For the first time, John felt his mother was being  **loved** , and when it emerged that she was pregnant four years later with his sister, Grace, he was sure she was much more happy than she was when she first discovered her pregnancy in high school.

Even three kids and nine years together didn't prevent him from leaving, though. He took a job upstate when John was fourteen and didn't even think twice before leaving. Didn't even ask them to move with him. But at least he actually took Grace and the twins every other weekend and two days of the week. He actively tried to be a part of their lives.

For Alex and Eliza everything was different. They still loved each other - always would love each other and most likely would never sacrifice their relationship for anyone other than their son. And their son would never want them to. 

So where did that leave John? Stuck in the middle of a strange love triangle for the course of his relationship with Alexander? Would Eliza even want him to be a part of Philip's life in the first place? Technically, he had no place. He and Alex weren't married. They'd only been together two months - barely known each other for five.

And anyway, what kind of responsible figure would he be for a baby?

*

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Lafayette barrelled into Alexander as soon as he entered the school premises on the cold, dreary January morning that signalled Alex's seventeenth birthday arriving. Alexander, barely awake after probably having not slept as per usual, was almost knocked flat by the sheer force of the 6ft manchild that was Laf.

"Thanks, man."

"I got you a present but it's probably best if I give it to you out of school."

"Hey, I bet that's what John said too."

"Ah, shut up Mulligan, you're just jealous."

"Jealous? I am being adequately satisfied by the amount of sexual intercourse I am receiving thank you, Hamilton. Anyway, he's not denying it."

"He's not confirming it, either."

"He's not saying anything, actually, if the both of you would just listen for a second."

"Oh."

"John?"

_Shit, someone asked me a question._

John hadn't been listening. Too busy focusing on what he'd been focusing on since last night, but, upon seeing Laf, Hercules and Alexander's faces looking expectantly at him, he realised maybe that wasn't the best plan of action.

"What?"

"See, look how out of it he is. He totally did give you your present already. If you know what I'm saying." John smiled weakly as Alex slid an arm around his waist and the four of them began trudging into school.

"Shut the fuck up Mulligan. You're just jealous."

*

**_alex: did you hear that ang apparently has a girlfriend now? [sent at 03:19]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: hey! so. yeah. it's been a while. and i'm extremely sorry about that you guys <3 <3 
> 
> buT. don't worry. don't think that i've been off doing nothing in this month or so because i have been making exciting plans!!!!!!!!  
> i have been planning three things:  
> a) a sequel to this here fanfic (which i have pretty much planned down to what is going to be in each chapter)  
> b) a couple of ideas for other AU fanfics which include a royal/arranged marriage AU and a ghost!character au (the latter was inspired by purgatory by and_penny and skwibbiblee which is amazing plz go give it a read)  
> and c) an extended version of the hunger games generator fanfic thing that i posted
> 
> not to mention the millions of oneshot ideas i get randomly and forget to write down
> 
> but yeah! let me know if you would like to see any of those three ideas in the future and i will attempt to get on with those, but my main priority is getting to the end of this story first and foremost. once again, sorry about the wait on this chapter, i hope you enjoy it and thank you all so much for sticking with me on this journey!!!<3


	18. Chapter 18

**_alex: did you hear that ang has apparently got a girlfriend? [sent at 03:19]_ **

_**john: whatttttttt [sent at 03:20]** _

**_john: for real? who? [sent at 03:20]_ **

**_alex: wait why did you reply so fast [sent at 03:21]_ **

**_alex: its a school night [sent at 03:21]_ **

**_alex: go to sleep for the love of god [sent at 03:22]_ **

**_john: youre awake?!????? [sent at 03:24]_ **

**_alex: i have a 7 month old son that keeps me awake?!???????!???? [sent at 03:25]_ **

**_alex: i'm not giving you anymore info till i see you [sent at 03:25]_ **

**_alex: ...mainly because i don't know anymore info xox [sent at 03:26]_ **

*****

For the entirety of first period, Alexander couldn't stop gushing about Angelica. 

Which was a new experience for John, especially since Alexander's excitement was somewhat contagious and he somehow found himself excited about Angelica Schuyler's secret love life by the end of the lesson.

"I don't understand how she's managed to hide it for so long." Alex was completely confounded as they exited the classroom hand in hand, voicing the same query he had been musing over for the last hour or so.

"Well, we hid our relationship for the first like three weeks." 

"Yeah, I guess. But everyone kind of suspected, y'know?" 

"Yes, but that was because I kept complaining to everyone about how much I wanted you." Even in his confused state, Alexander managed to grin goofily at John before he replied.

"You're so cringe."

John smiled and shrugged.

"I know." 

They arrived at the door of their second period lesson, which was still closed, and found that Lafayette was already waiting outside. He didn't notice their arrival for a few moments, too distracted by whoever he was texting. It was only after John greeted him that he glanced up at them, brow furrowed with what seemed to be concern.

"Hey, guys."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just hard to maintain inter-family relationships when the majority of your family lives abroad." Laf sighed, shaking his head and pocketing his phone. Almost immediately after, his mood seemed to shift as he gasped and looked at John and Alex in excitement.

"Did you guys hear that Angelica apparently has a girlfriend?"

*

Because of the fact that the majority of their friendship group were juniors and Angelica was a senior, the only time that most of the people could quiz her about this new revelation of her love life was on the lunch break. However, by the time John arrived at the usual table (his third period teacher had kept him back after lesson to ask him about the upcoming baseball season) he found himself faced with an almost unanimously disappointed friendship group.

"She's not here." Peggy said, as soon as he had taken a seat next to her.

"Where is she?"

"George called a student council meeting." 

"Oh." He looked around at the occupants of the table in interest, finding that, aside from the obvious absence of Angelica, there was also another vacant seat.

"Where's Mar?" John had seen Maria earlier in the day, she'd been in their second period class. The teacher had told her and Laf to be quiet about six times while they were having an argument about something. Eliza looked up from where she was splitting her slice of cake with Hercules at the question.

"Not sure. She walked out halfway through third period."

That wasn't like Maria. If she was planning on cutting class (which wasn't often), she wouldn't have gone in to the lesson at all. Chances were, she wouldn't have gone into school at all. So, unless something was wrong, John couldn't think of any reason why she would leave in such a rush. He swung his bag back over his bag and got up again, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"I'll go look for her." 

"You need to eat, John?" John rolled his eyes at Alex, before taking his can of soda and having a drink quickly.

"That's not eating." Peggy reprimanded him, poking his ribs and handing him the apple from her tray. He smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of her head then kissing Alex briefly before waving goodbye to everyone else and leaving through the door that he'd just entered.

*

It took about half of his lunch break to track her down. Even after he'd looked in all the usual places she was in school - the gym, the track field, even the space behind the school (where most people went to make out in the break times) - she was nowhere to be seen, so he resorted to asking some other members of the cheerleading squad. The first two members he came across were two sophomores who he had seen at a lot of parties, mainly with Peggy. One of them, Martha, had asked him out several times, even after repeated reassurances from him that he was gay, and had even tried to kiss him once. So, he tried to avoid her as much as possible, but he was on his last resort.

After a couple of minutes trying to navigate away from Martha's flirting, John finally got a straight answer out of her friend, Dolly, who mentioned seeing Maria in the bathroom earlier.

That was why John found himself looking around for teachers and other students before ducking into the girls bathroom in the gym block halfway through a lunch break on a Thursday. Luckily enough, not many people tended to be here in a lunch, and only one stall was occupied.

"Mar?"

There wasn't much of a response other than what he thought - and hoped wasn't - a stifled sob.

"Maria."

"Go away."

He'd seen her like this before, withdrawn and defensive, but only once, and it was in the weeks leading up to and after her breakup with James Reynolds (he was still trying to get his head around the fact that she somehow managed to find someone with the same last name as her to date) in summer vacation last year. 

John was never going to pretend that he understood why Maria was so heartbroken over leaving James. Their relationship was toxic, to say the least, and everyone except Maria could see that. It was only when he finally snapped and hit her to the point where she had bruises for weeks that she understood and left. In the weeks after she left, she withdrew herself from everyone - to the point that her mother actually came round to John's house in tears asking him to go and try to talk some sense into her.

So, needless to say, he was quite concerned.

Crouching down near the locked cubicle door, he dumped his bag on the floor and took a moment before knocking softly.

"John, go away."

"Well, no, I'm not going to do that."

"Well, that's your problem. I'm not coming out."

"Okay." He took a seat on the tiled floor, crossing his arms across his chest. There was silence for a long moment.

"Did you hear about Angelica?" Her voice was quiet and thick, but definitely cautious, and it took John a couple of moments to realise what she was talking about.

"About her girlfriend?"

"...Y'know, she's had one for like a month and a half now."

_Wait._

"Yeah? You spoke to her about it?"

"In a sense, yeah."

_Oh, God, he was so stupid._

"Maria, are you with Angelica?" The lack of response from her told John everything he needed to know, and, despite how upset Maria seemed to be, he couldn't help smiling.

"Well, that's good isn't it?" 

It was then that Maria dissolved into complete hysterics, so quickly that it caused John to spring to his feet and go to try and open the door and to the point that there was no possible way for her to be understandable. 

"Okay, okay, Mar, sweetheart, I can't help you if you don't come out."

Surprisingly enough, she did, almost immediately. Within a couple of seconds, she had unlocked the door and flung herself into John's arms. Somewhere within the constant unintelligible sound that was coming out of her mouth he caught the words 'James' and 'scared' and he had to take a moment before he spoke because a strange mix of fear and fury coursed through him.

"What about James?" Maria took a breath and took a step back, wiping furiously at her tears, apparently without a care to her makeup.

"He found out, somehow. I don't know how, maybe because I told my mom and she told her friends and it got out to his mom somehow, I don't know." 

"Has he tried to contact you?" John removed the hairband from her already falling out ponytail, letting her hair fall down her back, and waited for her to cough and control her tears before she replied.

"Yeah, he text me earlier. **'Congratulations** '." She shook her head.

"But I don't know, John, he can't mean it, right? He hasn't contacted me since I left him, I didn't even know he still had my number." Gritting his teeth, John leaned back against the sinks.

"Neither did I."

"Don't be angry."

"I'm not." His tone of voice suggested otherwise and Maria flinched, causing him to soften.

"Not with you. Never with you. But I'm always going to be angry with him, Maria, it doesn't matter what he does." Maria sighed, still taking irregular gulps of air to try and calm herself down. Shaking himself out of whatever reverie he was in, John picked up his bag and leaned into the cubicle to grab Maria's as well, slinging them both over his shoulder.

"Come on. Let's go home."

"We've still got three more lessons to go."

"Mar, you can't go to class like this. And I'm not just going to leave you here, am I?" He took her arm and guided her towards the door of the bathroom.

"Plus, you can't tell me you're not dying to tell me everything about what's been going on for the last month and a half with Ang. And if you aren't, then you're going to have to because I want to know everything."

Thankfully, after what seemed like forever to John, she laughed.

*

**_alex: omggggg angelica told us everythinnngggg and you missed it [sent at 17:49]_ **

**_alex: where'd you go, anyway? [sent at 17:50]_ **

**_alex: you coming over tonight? ;) [sent at 17:50]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: to make up for the lack of updates over the last month or so, here's two in two days for you!!! hope you enjoy these new chapters and thank you so much for over 2000 hits!!! that's incredible and i can't believe so many people actually want to read my writing and i'm so thankful to all of you guys <3


	19. Chapter 19

**_alex: omggggg angelica told us everythinnngggg and you missed it [sent at 17:49]_ **

**_alex: where'd you go, anyway? [sent at 17:50]_ **

**_alex: you coming over tonight? ;) [sent at 17:50]_ **

**_john: it's okay maria filled me in. i went to find her. [sent at 18:12]_ **

**_john: nah babe i can't mar's staying at mine tonight and we're babysitting the devils [sent at 18:13]_ **

**_john: you can come over here till your curfew though? [sent at 18:14]_ **

**_alex: is she okay? [sent at 18:15]_ **

**_john: she will be. she's on the phone to ang atm. [sent at 18:17]_ **

**_alex: okay good. [sent at 18:20]_ **

**_alex:_ ** **_i'm on my way over now <3 [sent at 18:43] _ **

*

At first, his mother was concerned as to why John showed up at home halfway through the school day, but after his explanation and upon her seeing Maria exit the car she changed her tune completely. The two of them were ushered inside and made tea and Maria cried again, but John had a feeling it was more to do with the fact that her own mother was abroad and so she couldn't have this conversation with her. It was only when his mother picked up the phone to cancel the date she had planned that Maria stood up from the table and point blank refused to let her.

"I'm fine." She had said.

She was lying and all three of them knew it, but Maria wasn't about to let her stick around, so at six P.M she was leaving and promising that she would talk it through with Maria more in the morning before they left for school.

Now normally, babysitting his siblings was... a task, to say the least. Either his sister wanted to play music very loudly (John really regretted the day that she was introduced to High School Musical), his brothers ran around wanting to jump off things or eat everything but the kitchen sink, or all three of them decided they hated each other and also that they were champion wrestlers.

However, having someone else there really changed the game for him.

He had no idea where Maria learned how to do it (she was an only child and was the youngest of her cousins), but John quickly learned that she was  **fantastic**  with kids. By the time Alex arrived at seven o'clock, Dylan and Lewis were fast asleep after a wildly creative story that impossibly involved cars and dinosaurs, and Grace was dozing off soundly with the promise of Maria doing her nails over the weekend.

"How in God's name did you do that?" John was passing Alex a bottle of water from the fridge as Maria came into the kitchen.

"I have a gift with kids, maybe?"

"I'll say." Maria chuckled as she took a seat at the table next to Alexander. A glance passed between the two boys before Alex spoke.

"You okay then, Maria? We were worried when you pulled that disappearing act on us." In apparent confusion, Maria looked at John.

"You didn't tell him?" Mouth full of water, John shook his head, joining the two of them at the table.

"No, of course I didn't." Cautiously, Alex spoke too.

"Angelica did, though. And, for what it might be worth, everyone's so excited for you guys." A soft smile appeared on her features.

"Thanks, Alexander."

"For what?" 

"For not treating me like I'm about to explode. Enough people have done that today." Realising what she said, Maria quickly looked to John.

"Not that it's a bad thing. I needed it earlier. But... y'know, it gets to a point where you don't need it anymore." John nodded, shrugging and leaning on the table on his elbows.

"And do you not?"

"No."

"Good. Means he isn't getting to you."

"He always gets to me."

"...Means he isn't getting to you as much as he wants, then."

It was then the two of them realised that Alexander had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, and figured it was time to explain.

*

Maria had gone to bed about an hour ago (8:30pm seemed justifiable after the day she'd had), so John and Alex had spent that hour watching some kind of documentary on the making of a film series John had never seen ('but, John, are you not seeing the level of cinematography they put into it?') until the two of them relaxed into comfortable silence.

"Hey." Alex tugged on the sleeve of John's sweater, jerking him out of his sleepy state and causing him to pay attention. 

"Hm?"

"Know what day it is tomorrow?"

"Uh... Friday?"

"Valentine's Day, you moron."  **That** woke John up. He sat up, heart rate suddenly spiking, and ran a hand over his face to try and collect himself.

"It is?" With everything that had been going on over the last however long it had been, the weeks had all blurred into one and the dates were muddled in his head.

"Mhm."

"Shit, I didn't even think." He wasn't used to having to think about things such as Valentine's Day. Not since elementary school 'formals', anyway, and they just consisted of dancing awkwardly and mainly avoiding the opposite sex. Even John was under the spell of thinking girls had cooties at that time.

"No, me neither. I only remembered because Peggy just text me asking what we're planning on doing for it." Half nervous, half relieved laughter fell from John's lips.

"What are we planning?" Alexander shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't really do the whole 'Valentine's' thing."

_Oh, thank God._

"Me neither." Adjusting himself so he was able to tighten his grip around John's waist, Alex sighed.

"Anyway, tomorrow's a Friday. As you have so eloquently said." In spite of himself, John snickered, aiming somewhere behind him in Alex's general direction, with the pillow. A satisfying thump and a quiet swear word told him he'd hit his target.

"You're so immature, Laurens."

"Well, I am younger than you."

"By like 6 months."

"6 months that you have on me, so -"

" **Anyway**. Tomorrow's a Friday. Let's just go on a date, like we normally do on weekends, and forget that it's Valentine's Day." A pause ensued, until a thought seemed to strike Alexander.

"Unless people offer us free stuff. Then we quickly recall that it's Valentine's Day." John snorted, sitting up to turn and look at him.

"You got a plan for this date, then?"

"I always have a plan for a date with you." Scrunching up his face briefly, John grinned.

"You're adorable."

"I know." Alexander didn't even seem surprised. He smirked, before stretching out and standing up.

"I should probably go. Mom wants me back by 10." 

"Okay." John allowed himself to be pulled up from the sofa and into a kiss that was over far too quickly before Alex was away from him and heading for the door.

"Anyway, we can always remember Valentine's next year." Looking up from where he was opening his front door, John smiled at Alexander in confusion.

"Next year, huh?"

"Yeah?"

"You think we'll still be together this time next year?" 

The question was out of his mouth before he'd even thought about it.

Something about the look on Alex's face and the thick atmosphere that immediately filled the room told John he needed to think more.

*

**_john: i'm sorry [sent at 21:49]_ **

**_john: i didn't think_ ** **_[sent at 21:50]_ **

**_john: alex [sent at 21:53]_ **

**_john: alexander? [sent at 21:54]_**    ** _  
_**

**_john: i've never really thought about things like that, i'm sorry [sent at 21:59]_ **

**_john: we're still on for tomorrow, right? [sent at 22:11]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: here you go guys have some aNGST. it's been a while since we've had some angst (not really but lets ignore that) so i hope you're all ready for the amount that is to come in the next few chapters. lemme tell you, y'all aren't ready. i'm not even ready, and i've already written some of it. 
> 
> as always, thanks so much for the support!<3


	20. Chapter 20

**_john: i'm sorry [sent at 21:49]_ **

**_john: i didn't think_ ** **_[sent at 21:50]_ **

**_john: alex [sent at 21:53]_ **

**_john: alexander? [sent at 21:54]_**   ** _  
_**

**_john: i've never really thought about things like that, i'm sorry [sent at 21:59]_ **

**_john: we're still on for tomorrow, right? [sent at 22:11]_ **

**_..._ **

**_alex:_ ** **_it's okay, i get it_ ** **_[sent at 23:09]_ ** **_  
_ **

**_alex:_ ** **_idk babe_ ** **_[sent at 23:10]_ **

**_alex: i'm not mad, honestly [sent at 23:10]_ **

**_alex: but sometimes i forget that you haven't been in it for the long run before [sent at 23:11]_ **

**_alex: it's a lot to process [sent at 23:11]_ **

**_alex: and i don't want to pressure you into anything [sent at 23:11]_ **

**_alex: so idk if tomorrow is such a good idea [sent at 23:12]_ **

**_john: that doesn't mean i'm not in it for the long run now, though, alex [sent at 23:13]_ **

**_john: i just... don't really thought about the future that much, y'know? [sent at 23:13]_ **

**_alex: i'll see you at school tomorrow, okay? we'll talk x [sent at 23:16]_ **

*

They didn't talk. 

Not about what John had said, anyway.

John was going to, don't get him wrong. He spent the entire ride there thinking about how he was going to bring it up, and going over how exactly he was going to fix everything in his head. So much so that he didn't speak to Laf or Hercules at all, even when they directed questions towards him. He was far too busy being wrapped up in his own mind, convincing himself that everything would be fine.

Then, when they arrived at school, everyone was too busy involving themselves with what had happened with Angelica and Maria, and Alex seemed fine with him so the two of them just put it aside for the day. Forgot about it, just for the day.

Unfortunately, that day turned into a week, and then into several and before anyone knew it, it was March and it was the last day of school before spring break. So, instead of delving into whatever problems they may or may not be having, the two of them had spent the day discussing what their plans were for the next week and after school Alexander was laying on John's floor (on the camp bed that both of them knew they wouldn't be using), writing something or other as John threw things into his suitcase at random in a desperate attempt to pack last minute.

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"Does it rain in West Virginia?"

"Well, yes, obviously it rains. The people there don't just live without rain."

"Shut up, you know what I mean." Alexander chuckled, propping himself up on his elbows to peer into the suitcase.

"Okay, well it might rain, yeah, but I don't think you need seven pairs of jeans, a pair of sweatpants and two pairs of shorts for the seven days we'll be there." Sighing heavily, John flopped down to sit against his bed.

"I like clothes."

"You really don't do the gay stereotype any favours, Laurens." For a moment, John looked down at what he had packed as though analysing it. Then he bit his lip, huffed, and slammed it shut, zipping it up.

"That'll do." He turned his attention to Alexander, who was putting his notebook into his backpack and checking his phone. John knew what he was waiting for - Philip was staying with Eliza's parents for the week they were away, and Alex had been jittery all day, since he'd left him that morning.

John had only met Philip once after the hospital visit. He'd been round to Alex's house to find him passed out on the couch with the baby sleeping soundly in the crib behind him. Even then, he was pretty sure that wasn't planned.

"How's Philip?" Alexander jumped as though John had yelled, gaze snapping across to him.

"What?" 

"Come on, Alex. You're allowed to be worried about your son."

"I know." He sighed, pushing himself up from the camp bed and curling up in the corner against the wall.

"I just feel like if I worry you're going to start worrying and that part of my life isn't something for you to worry about, y'know?"

Something stirred within John at that statement. 

"Alex, he's your  **son**. He's the most important thing in your life. And... y'know. I want to worry about you. All the parts of your life." He looked up at Alexander, stretching out his hand to take his.

"So, go call Senator Schuyler if you want. See how he is. Then we need to go to bed, anyway. Laf is picking us up at like 5 tomorrow morning, and he'll be worried enough driving a minibus." Alex smiled, then crawled over to John to press a soft kiss to his lips. When he pulled back, he was sitting on John's lap and had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Y'know... it's pretty early." He dropped a kiss onto John's neck.

"I won't be on the phone to Eliza's dad for  **that** long." Another kiss - John half laughed and half spluttered his next words out.

"Maybe not, but my mother's home." Against his chest, he felt Alex shrug as his hands crept around his waist to pull him closer.

"So? She was the first time. And your sister and the twins are at their dad's tonight. Nothing to worry about." John breathed out a chuckle, finding it difficult to refrain from giving into the situation at hand. The only thing that was stopping him was the nag at the back of his mind that they had to be awake and ready to leave in less than eight hours, and John knew full well that they wouldn't be ready in that time if Alex was left to go on any further.

"You do realise we literally have the entirety of the next six nights to have as much sex as we want, right?" A murmur of assent from Alexander was all that indicated he'd heard him.

"Why not make it seven?"

"Since when did you get so horny, Hamilton?" Alexander sat up straight at that to look at John, grinning.

"Since I met you." John bit back a smile, before pressing his thumbs into the sides of Alex's waist.

"Go check on your son. Then we'll talk."

*

5AM came far too soon (he had of course given into Alex's advances almost as soon as he'd come back into the room after calling the Schuyler house), and John felt like he hadn't slept at all. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there. At some point, they'd stopped, and Eliza had pressed a coffee into his and Alexander's hands. John would have told her he didn't like coffee, but Alex had already taken the second cup from him and traded it for the tea Burr had been given in the seat in front of them. 

About two hours into the nine hour journey, Lafayette had swapped the job as driver with George and was fast asleep on the backseat. Eliza was talking avidly with James Madison, who found himself being a pillow for Thomas Jefferson. Laf had invited him, they  **were**  cousins after all, and Thomas had insisted on bringing his boyfriend along. Which no-one had a problem with. 

Frankly, most people preferred James over Thomas.

Peggy was up front with Hercules, talking about something or other, occasionally involving George in their conversation. Angelica and Maria were wrapped up in their own little world, and something about it made John feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"What're you smiling at?" He looked down at Alex, who was laying with his cheek pressed against John's shoulder in what couldn't possibly be a comfortable position.

"Mar. Look how happy she is." Alexander lifted his head to look across the aisle to where the two girls were sitting, smile spreading across his face briefly.

"I'm glad she is."

"Yeah, me too." They fell into silence for a moment, before Alex sat up completely and took John's hand, leaning back against the window behind him.

"Are you happy, babe?" He was quiet, almost as though he was trying to avoid whatever he was about to say. John was confused.

"Yeah, of course I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be happy?" 

"I mean... we haven't really... talked." Alex was stroking his hand softly and John's breathing was becoming increasingly irregular.

"About what?"

"About - well, everything."

"Alex, we're on vacation."

"No, we're on the bus ride to our vacation. This doesn't count." Despite the situation, John laughed.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

"Um -" For a moment, Alexander seemed speechless. A concept that seemed impossible.

"- Philip for one?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Alex threw a glance up to Eliza at the front of the bus, as though she was going to give him some support, before he spoke.

"I  **do** want you to be a part of his life, John. For however long you're in mine. And, I don't know if you're 'in it for the long run' or whatever, but even if you're not... Pip deserves to know you for at least a short time. Because you're amazing. And he'll love you." John's heart rate was slowing down now, thankfully, and he was smiling again.

"Obviously I want to know him. You're my boyfriend and Eliza's my friend and he's your son. He's like a culmination of the best parts of my life. He must be pretty cool."

"He is. And you're pretty cool, I guess, so I'm sure you'll get along." 

"We will." 

"Good." John brought Alex's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles softly. Luckily, Alex seemed to have relaxed, and on top of that, seemed to be relatively awake, so John leaned in closer so they were somewhat concealed from the rest of the group.

They weren't, but it was nice to imagine.

"Now, you know how I said we had six nights to have as much sex as we wanted? I want to discuss the plan."

Alexander grinned.

*

**_alex: oh god, where are you? [sent at 11:48]_ **

**_alex: you all left me with jefferson [sent at 11:48]_ **

**_alex: please send help [sent at 11:49]_ **

**_alex: i might not make it through [sent at 11:49]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: 2/3 of the way through this story can you believe it!?!?!?!?! 
> 
> don't worry guys a hell of a lot can and will happen in the last third >:)
> 
> all i'll say is enjoy the fluff while you can.


	21. Chapter 21

**_alex: oh god, where are you? [sent at 11:48]_ **

**_alex: you all left me with jefferson [sent at 11:48]_ **

**_alex: please send help [sent at 11:49]_ **

**_alex: i might not make it through [sent at 11:49]_ **

**_john: you're a drama queen [sent at 11:53]_ **

**_john: i was peeing, and now i'm buying you food and a drink [sent at 11:54]_ **

**_john: you can last another ten minutes i'm sure [sent at 11:55]_ **

**_alex: funny, i'm sure i've heard you say that before ;) [sent at 11:55]_ **

**_alex: i can't do it [sent at 11:56]_ **

**_alex: come save me [sent at 11:57]_ **

**_john: you're being extra [sent at 11:58]_ **

**_alex: fine, i'll just die [sent at 11:59]_ **

**_alex: no kinky sex for you over the next week i guess... [sent at 11:59]_ **

**_*_ **

**_maria: why is john running [sent at 12:01]_ **

_***** _

West Virginia wasn't somewhere John had ever thought he would enjoy. He always thought spring break would be a time to go to places like Florida or California and party 24/7. In fact, he'd planned such a week with Herc, Laf and Maria at some point last year. Sleep with as many guys as he wanted without getting judged for it, drink as much as he wanted without getting ID'ed for it and just forget about whatever responsibilities he'd had for that week.

This was different.

He had responsibilities because he had Alex. 

Not that he was complaining.

He didn't think he was complaining, anyway.

It was just strange. Because he was having the best possible time in all aspects of the vacation. He could spend time with all his friends in an amazing resort - meaning that he not only escaped the pressure of family life, but he also didn't have to go anywhere near school for a whole week. He could just relax, and not have to worry about seeing anyone he didn't want to -

"Shit, I think I slept with that guy."

John slid down in the chair he was sitting in, hoping that the waiter that was walking past wouldn't notice him while he hid behind Alexander. Maria looked up from the book she was reading, craning her neck to look over at him briefly before shrugging and sinking back into the couch.

"Yep. He worked at the Starbucks near our street at the start of last summer."

"Fuck." 

Alex chuckled, looking over his shoulder at the blond man who was now talking to a woman behind the reception desk.

"What's the issue with you sleeping with him?"

"That's his fiancee."

"Yeah-?"

"She was his fiancee when I slept with him." Both Alexander and Maria turned their gazes back onto John, who looked between the two of them through his fingers. "Stop judging me, I was young."

"You're the same age now as you were then, Laurens."

"Shut up, Reynolds."

*

The week was almost over before anyone knew it, and on the last night before they were due to leave, the group crammed into Lafayette and Hercules' room (they had the biggest TV) to spend a nice night together before the hell that was the journey back took place. That would likely result in arguments (Thomas and Alexander, probably) and road rage (Hercules, definitely) and no-one was quite ready for that.

Thankfully, there was no arguments between them all tonight, not even about what film to watch or what to order on room service. The only minor disagreement was on who was going to actually open the door to retrieve the room service. It was only when Burr and Peggy physically pushed John off the bed they were piled on that he begrudgingly went to open the door.

"Hey -"

"Hey, I've got your -" Both of their speech overlapped and tailed off at the exact same time as they realised who the other was. 

Of course the exact waiter that John had recognised from earlier was the one on shift at that exact time.

John wondered what the acceptable amount of time to wait before speaking again was. "You've got our room service."

"Yes... It's John, right?"

"That's me, yeah." Another second of silence passed between them, which was broken by the sound of Alexander's voice and footsteps.

"Need help, babe?" If John could have melted into the ground at that moment he would have. The waiter clearly had no idea who Alex was and Alex definitely knew who the waiter was and the tension was now completely evident. It wasn't helped by the fact the other occupants of the room were now strangely quiet.

Then, suddenly, Alexander leaned forward to pull the trolley into the room with one arm, wrapping his other around John's waist.

"Thanks, man. Here's a tip." Alex looked at John. "Give the man a tip, Laurens." 

John spluttered, reaching shakily into his back pocket for his wallet and handing the man a twenty dollar bill.

"Uh... this is a lot of -"

"Nope, keep it." And with that, John closed the door in his face, stepping away from Alexander to exhale heavily and lean against the wall.

"You okay?"

"I just tipped him $20."

"Yes."

"A guy I slept with. I tipped him $20."

"Yes, John."

"Oh, God."

*

Luckily, the rest of the group only spent about half an hour making jokes at John's expense, so the rest of the night was uneventful - for the most part. The only slight form of drama came in the form of Peggy losing all trust in everyone when the remote went missing briefly, so it didn't feel like long before John was back in bed, drifting off to sleep peacefully with his arms around Alex.

"It's going to be weird not sleeping in the same bed as you every night when we get back."

"Hm. I think my mom would be confused if you started sleeping at ours every night. We only just get away with weekends." Alexander chuckled faintly at John's words before leaving a stretch of silence that made John think that he'd fallen asleep.

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"What was that guy's name?" John opened his eyes, looking at the back of Alex's head, still slightly groggy.

"What guy?" He knew which guy he meant.

"The waiter."

"Oh, uh..."  _Shit._ "I... don't know." 

Alexander shifted, and John was immediately more alert. "How do you not know?"

"I mean... it was a while ago. And like... I've slept with a lot of people." It was only after he'd said that that John realised how bad that sounded to his  **boyfriend** of all people. "Wait, that came out wrong."

"Did it?" Alex sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Did it come out wrong?"

John didn't know what was happening. 

"I mean - I don't - what's brought this up?"

"Did you know he was engaged? When you did it?"

_Okay, ignore me, I guess._

"Yeah, I - well, he told me something about someone - what does that matter?"

"What does it matter? You knew he was engaged. You knew he was engaged and you had sex with him, John." Now John was sitting too, leaning back against the headboard to create space between them.

"What's wrong with you right now? You were fine not even five minutes ago."

"It just bothers me that you were totally fine with potentially destroying a relationship."

It was annoying John that Alex wasn't looking at him.

"Well, it clearly didn't destroy their relationship because he was still wearing a ring and speaking to his fiancee."

"But it  **could have**  destroyed it."

"If you're trying to make me feel terrible about my past decisions, you're doing a great job."

"No, I'm not -" Alexander sighed in frustration, standing up and turning to look down at John. "I'm just trying to understand."

"Understand what?"

"Where you stand on the whole..." His voice dropped off at the end of the sentence. And, normally, this would be the point where John would make peace, tell Alexander that he was worrying over nothing and to come back to bed.

But he was angry over this. Maybe irrationally, maybe not.

"The whole what?" There was no reply - which only made John more confident in what he thought Alexander was going to say. "The whole  **what** , Alex?" 

Alexander sighed again.

"The whole... cheating debate." 

He knew that was what he was going to say, but it still took John aback for some reason. The atmosphere in the room was almost unbearably thick and neither of them were on the verge of sleep anymore.

"There isn't a debate. Cheating's wrong. I would never cheat."

"But... you slept with an engaged man."

"I was single. **I** didn't cheat. It was his conscious decision to cheat on his girlfriend."

"But you knew. You knew that he was cheating and you were fine with being a part of it."

"But I was single, Alexander." The use of his full name snapped the two of them into the reality of what was happening. John opened his mouth to speak again then closed it, thinking better of continuing. 

"John -" John just lay down again, pulling the duvet up to his chin as he did so.

"I'm going to sleep."

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: woooooooo you all thought u were gettin smut and instead you got a lams fight. you're welcome.
> 
> but for real, for the time being, i'm not a smut writer. this isn't anything against smut writers, it's just that i am hopelessly bad at writing smut. it's something i just have never had the talent for.
> 
> instead i have the talent for writing painful scenes and angst, with the slightest bit of fluff.
> 
> and if you like that y'all are going to love the next few chapters >:)
> 
> as always, i love you guys a lot and i'm sorry for the slow update :( thank you so much for reading <3


	22. Chapter 22

It was cold when John woke up.

In his disorientated state, he didn't remember exactly what had happened last night until he realised Alexander was not on the other side of the bed. The shower was running in the bathroom, though, so the panic that ran through John was only temporary. 

He was worried that Alex had left.

It did feel as though they were arguing a lot lately.

Maybe it was just one of  **those** phases. People had those, right? Most of the people he knew had arguments with their significant others in their relationships.

Most of the people he knew were no longer in those relationships, though. Which didn't exactly bode well.

He sighed, swinging his legs out of bed and wandering over to the desk on the other side of the room to check his phone.

_**best woman ever literally the loml**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : laf shut up we can hear you from our room_

_**john cena**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : how do u think i feel i'm in the room where its happening_

_**sick burrn bro** to _ _**west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : i'm so glad i'm not._

_**france**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : i'm just trying to be american. sorry if it's past peggy's bedtime_

_**irrelavant to most**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : i'm 15_

_**france**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : must be wayyyyyy past your bedtime then let me sing you a lullaby_

_**irrelavant to most** to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : the national anthem is not a lullaby_

_**little red riding hood**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : shut up all of you i'm tryna sleep i will set angelica on you_

_**angery feminist**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : and i will team up wtih george to destroy you_

_**mr president**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : i'm down for that_

_**skrrt skrrt hamilton**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : Go to fucking sleep all of you._

_**france**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : chill out alex_

_**skrrt skrrt hamilton**  to  **west virginia baby!!!!1!!** : Fuck off Lafayette._

"Morning." 

John almost jumped out of his skin as he looked over his shoulder to see Alex sat on the bed. He was almost fully dressed (John hadn't even heard the shower turn off) and was looking down at the belt he was buckling up instead of across at him.

"Hey." Neither of them moved for a good few seconds, until Alexander looked up at John and sighed, standing up and throwing a shirt at him.

"Put that on."

"Why?" 

"Because, John Laurens, I can't have a conversation with you shirtless, and especially not when you're wearing only boxers. It's far too distracting." A hint of a smile was ghosting Alexander's lips and that was enough to get John to grin as he dragged the shirt over his head.

*

School time was coming back far too quickly for John's liking. It was the night before they went back to school and he found himself surrounded by piles of work that he hadn't taken with him on spring break - obviously - and was now regretting leaving it all till that exact moment. And although he was sure most of his other friends were in the same place as him, apart from maybe Eliza and George, he wasn't taking much comfort from it.

In fact, he was taking so little comfort from it that when he arrived at Alex's house and knocked on the door he was almost hoping that he was planning on giving him the answers to the Geography homework rather than planning on spending actual time with him.

But, as Alexander opened the door, whatever stress John was feeling disappeared and pure dread washed over him instead.

He hadn't seen him like this since Philip.

"Hi."

"Hi." He thought Alex was going to say something else.

He didn't.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah... yeah, of course." John walked into the apartment tentatively. For the first time in a while, he didn't feel like he belonged there. Awkward silence hung for a moment, and Alexander seemed tense.

"So... uh... what's -"

"I think we need to talk."  

_Oh, fuck._

There was a brief second that John thought he had said that out loud, because Alexander was looking directly at him with what was either expectancy or fear in his eyes. He inhaled deeply, wiping his palms on his jeans and taking a seat on the couch, facing Alex.

"Okay. What about?"

"About us."

"Well... yeah, I figured. About what aspect of us?"

"About... well, all of it."

"Okay."

The expectant look John was giving Alexander was met with a mostly blank stare - as though Alex knew exactly what he was going to say but couldn't put it into words.

"I..." He started to speak, but stopped, sighing loudly and taking a seat on the floor opposite John. It wasn't often that Alexander didn't make eye contact, so the fact that he was violently picking at a loose thread in the carpet in front of him was making John's breathing go funny.

"I know it's hard, Alex." His voice was low and quiet and John was nearly afraid to say it. "I know we're different people and I know that being with me is a struggle because I'm so bad at this commitment stuff and it's like second nature for you and maybe being together is something that is an inconvenience for a lot of people -"

"Maybe we shouldn't, then."

Alexander said it so quickly and sharply that it took a second for him to process.

And then John's blood went cold.

"Shouldn't... be together?"

"Yeah. You said it at Herc's party, John. When you told me you liked me. You don't  **do** dating."

"That was -"

"What? It was the  **old** you?" Alexander spat the words at him, his tone so aggressive that John actually flinched and took a step back. This seemed to soften Alexander marginally; he relaxed his tensed up shoulders somewhat and he moved to take a step towards John before thinking better of it, combing his fingers through his hair.

"What, you don't believe me? You don't believe it was the old me?"

"I don't know." Now it was John that was speechless, and he stumbled over a few words before he said anything else.

"I know that it's hard, but, Alex... I can try." Alexander shook his head, standing up and turning away from him.

"It doesn't matter, John, I can't... I can't be with you. I want to. Oh, my God I want to but I can't be with someone that I clash so much with. Like, with the whole West Virginia thing." Swallowing the lump that had formed with his throat, John pushed himself up from the couch and forced himself to take a step towards Alex.

"Alex -"

"I don't... I don't think I could ever do anything like that. I don't think I could ever be okay with something like that. And I don't know if I'm okay with being with someone that's okay with that."

"Alex, please. I'm not... okay with it anymore, I -"

"John, it was only last summer."

"Yes, but -"

"I just... can't stop thinking about how his fiancee must feel. Or, maybe he didn't even tell her. That's even worse, and I can't get the idea of it out of my head and I can't even comprehend that it's you that did it."

"But -"

" **John.** " It came out as half a yell and half a sob, and Alex finally turned around to face him. And something within John really wished he hadn't, because he could read his decision all over his face and he knew what was coming.

And now he was crying and he couldn't stop it.

And Alex was crying too and John couldn't do anything to help him.

Because he was the reason behind it.

"Alex, please."

"You're not changing my mind." For some reason, a switch within John flicked and he laughed through the fresh wave of tears that he knew would come.

"No. I've yet to meet anyone who can change your mind." A pause - then Alexander smiled softly.

"I really thought you'd be the first."

"I wish I could be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: hey. i know it's been a while and i'm so sorry but i've not been having the best time. i started school again just after my last update which meant i've been extremely busy and too busy for almost anything. another thing is that i wanted to get this chapter just right because it's such an important one, and then a couple of weeks ago i actually split up with my boyfriend so i didn't want to come near writing this chapter over the time i was using to get over my relationship.
> 
> but, whether you've been here from the beginning or you've just rocked up today, thank you so much for reading and I am crossing everything and hoping that i can update for you guys more often because i love this story and i love these characters and i have planned a LIT sequel so lets get these updates back on track.
> 
> love you guys x


	23. Chapter 23

The first half of the day had gone by in a blur for John. A slow, seemingly never ending blur. He didn't remember getting up and going to school, or going to his first three periods (he didn't even notice Alexander wasn't in any of them), or arriving in the cafeteria. But, somehow, he'd managed it and he was sitting alone at their usual table with no food or drink in front of him waiting for something to happen. For anything to happen to distract him. 

Even if he knew it wasn't coming. 

Lafayette, Eliza and Hercules sat down soon enough, but John kept his eyes focused on the white table in front of him, blinking every so often to try and keep the tears at bay while he was in public.

"Hey, John." Nothing.

"You okay, man?" Nothing.

"Where's Alex?" It was then that John looked up, gaze focused directly on Eliza, who had spoken. Her face fell as she noticed his desperate expression and glassy eyes, and Hercules and Lafayette both opened their mouths to speak, but John beat them to it.

"I don't know." He didn't need to say anything else.

At once, Eliza was on her feet and had walked off, calling something about 'going to find and talk some sense into him' before she left. Silence was left for a second.

"John." That was Hercules' voice, although it was nowhere near as loud as it usually was. John looked at him vacantly, and if he was paying enough attention he would have noticed Lafayette take his phone out and shoot a text to someone.

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

*

As soon as she'd seen John's face, Eliza knew where Alexander would be. She called Angelica to tell her she needed the car for emergency purposes and then she drove away from school and to her father's house to pick up Philip. She figured if she was going to cheer Alex up, their baby would be the best way to do that. 

After somehow managing to fasten a lively Philip into his car seat and navigate the midday traffic, Eliza finally pulled into a nearby park. There was a lake there, and when they had uprooted and moved upstate, it was the first place they had taken Philip.

_If I ever get too stressed or anxious or generally, y'know, 'do an Alex'... I'll be here._

He wouldn't go anywhere else. She was sure of it.

And, as it turned out, Eliza knew him just as well as she thought she did, because as she reached the top of one of the hills in the park, clutching a still excitable Philip and cursing herself for wearing ballet pumps, she found Alexander sitting under a tree with a stack of books next to him.

She was planning on approaching quietly, but Philip had noticed his father and began gargling loudly, tugging on Eliza's hair and gaining Alex's attention almost immediately.

If he didn't look so exhausted and if it hadn't been obvious that he'd recently being crying, the smile that crossed his face might have been convincing.

"Hey, buddy." Eliza placed Philip into Alex's outstretched arms, half smiling and taking a seat next to them, wondering exactly how he'd managed to find a place where the mud wasn't wet.

"You know they have benches in this park, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Alexander was looking around as though it was the first time he had looked up all day, handing Philip one of his pencils to play with. His eyes ran over Eliza quickly, but didn't linger.

"Your shoes are dirty." Eliza looked down at her feet - he was right, she was probably going to have to get rid of them.

"They're just dance shoes. Loads of them at my house, Peggy keeps at least five pairs spare."

A quiet laugh sounded from Alexander's direction, and Eliza breathed out in relief. It was a start.

"How long have you been here?" 

"What time is it?" She checked her watch.

"Ten past one."

"About ten hours and ten minutes."

"Alex -!"

"What? Are you surprised?" Eliza rolled her eyes, gaze fixed directly on him.

"No. I'm disappointed." 

Scoffing, Alexander looked down at Philip again, choosing not to reply to her.

But she wasn't going to settle for silence.

"Why did you -?"

"I don't know, Eliza. Don't ask, because I don't fucking know." Alexander squeezed his eyes shut as though he was in pain, waiting a moment before speaking again.

"Have you seen him?" His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Yes."

"Is he - is he okay?"

"No." Alex flinched as Eliza continued. "Of course he isn't okay, Alex. Why would he be? You're not okay either."

"I'm..." A deep breath. "I will be. He will be. We'll both be fine because it's for the best and that's fine and I'm fine with it."

"You might be fine, but that doesn't mean you'll be happy." 

Philip chose this exact moment to drop his hold on the pencil, letting it fall onto the grass, and yawn loudly. Both Alex and Eliza looked down at him; he was looking up at Alexander with wide, tired eyes, and Eliza laughed softly at her son's antics.

"I can be happy." Alexander said in a low voice, poking Philip's cheek softly as he nestled into his shoulder. "I've got this little guy." 

"And me." For the first time since she'd got there, Alex turned to Eliza to make eye contact with her. "I don't know how much comfort that is, but..."

"You're always a comfort to me. Always have been and always will be."

"Are you saying - in a nice way - that you're stuck with me?"

"Yep." He grinned, and Eliza could practically see the heartbreak behind his eyes.

"Wouldn't want it any other way, Betsey."

*

**_laf: you with Alex?x [sent at 18:34]_ **

**_eliza: yeah, he's staying at mine tonight x [sent at 18:36]_ **

**_laf: okay, good. he okay?x [sent at 18:37]_ **

_**eliza: no, but i think he will be. how's john?x [sent at 18:38]** _

**_laf: a mess. he went home halfway through 4th period, teacher said he looked ill. mar's with him i think x [sent at 18:40]_ **

**_eliza: good, we'll have to see how it goes tomorrow with them. alex will try to be friends with him and idk how john will take that x [sent at 18:42]_ **

**_laf: john wants alex. preferably as a boyfriend but i think he'll take whatever he can get, even though it might take a while. and the group has to respect that x [sent at 18:43]_ **

**_eliza: they will x [sent at  18:44]_ **

**_eliza: i'll keep you updated, we'll speak later, i'm putting philip to bed x [sent at 18:45]_ **

**_*_ **

**_maria: he's not okay. are you? [sent at 22:09]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: here guys, i'm giving you two updates in two days to make up for the nearly two months of none. as ever, i love you guys, hope you enjoy!<3


	24. Chapter 24

**_maria: he's not okay. are you? [sent at 22:09]_ **

**_alex: he will be [sent at 02:07]_ **

**_maria: that doesn't answer my question [sent at 02:08]_ **

**_alex: i don't really want to answer your question [sent at 02:09]_ **

**_maria: well i don't really want to be sitting awake in my best friend's bed after watching him finally cry himself to sleep only 10 minutes ago, but we all do things we don't want for the benefit of others don't we [sent at 02:10]_ **

**_alex: maria please [sent at 02:15]_ **

**_maria: just... please tell me that you're okay. [sent at 02:16]_ **

**_maria: well, not okay, but at least coping. i can't sit here watching john like this and knowing... knowing that you might be going through that as well [sent at 02:16]_ **

**_alex: thought you'd be on his side [sent at 02:17]_ **

**_maria: i'm always on his side, alexander [sent at 02:18]_ **

**_maria: he's my best friend. he's been there for me through everything [sent at 02:18]_ **

**_maria: and i mean literally everything [sent at 02:19]_ **

**_maria: i would go as far as to say that he's my brother [sent at 02:19]_ **

**_maria: so, i'm always going to be on his side. there's no question_ ** **_there_ ** **_[sent at 02:20]_ **

**_maria: but i don't think there's a side to pick here. you're my friend too. you didn't argue. you struggled to make it work and i think thats both of your faults but that's not what we're talking about [sent at 02:20]_ **

**_alex: i'm fine [sent at 02:23]_ **

**_alex: i'll be fine [sent at 02:23]_ **

**_alex: now go to sleep, for the love of god. we have school tomorrow [sent at 02:24]_ **

**_alex: and look after him for me [sent at 02:25]_ **

*

The ride to school was silent. John sat in the backseat with Maria even though his usual front seat was free, and Lafayette didn't say anything about it, just looked at him in the rear view mirror for slightly longer than what was necessary. They swung round to pick up Hercules, who approached the backseat to sit where he normally did, only changing course when he decided he didn't want to push Maria into the middle. Someone's phone went off - twice - and a song that a boyband did a bad cover of played on the radio, and John was sure that he'd heard it before but nothing was really springing to mind about who it actually was.

Nothing was really springing to mind apart from the feeling of dread about seeing Alexander for the first time today.

After all, who saw their ex two days after the breakup? It wasn't normal.

But, then, John supposed he was going to have to cope with it. He was going to see Alexander almost everyday for the next one and a half years. There was no way he was going to ruin the friendship group just because he wasn't a good enough boyfriend for Alex. It was his own fault, really. He should have known when he first asked Alexander out that it was going to end badly for all involved, especially when the rest of the friendship group grew as close to Alex as they did. 

It was stupid that he was getting so worried about it. He was going to have to cope with it, irregardless. 

*

John was early to lesson - a rare occurrence under any circumstance - but upon reaching the classroom, he realised just a little bit too late that he wasn't the earliest one there. He heard Lafayette inhale sharply, but John patted him on the arm and walked away from him, towards where Alex was standing.

"Hey." Alexander jumped at John's voice, turning to look up at him.

"Hi." Silence fell between them for a minute as they maintained eye contact. It wasn't until John actually started speaking that he knew what he was going to say.

"Look. I can't... I'm not gonna pretend that I'm okay with this." Alex looked down, fiddling with the straps on his backpack distractedly as John continued. "But... I don't want to ruin the group for the rest of them. The friendship group. It's not fair on the rest of the guys."

"Right."

"So - when we're in the group together I want to... try and be civil."

"Okay."

"Okay." It was one of the first times John had ever known Alexander to be speechless in the time he'd known him, and it was unnerving him quite a bit. Somehow, standing outside this classroom was just as painful than the breakup. The silence was deafening and it felt as though the school corridor was closing in, forcing the two of them together.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how John looked at it) more students were arriving now, and it wasn't long until he could lose himself in the mass of people flocking towards the classroom and hope that Samuel Seabury wouldn't care that he was swapping seats with him this lesson.

*

_**little red riding hood** created this group chat and added **(5)**  other members_

_**little red riding hood**  renamed this group chat to  **sob (save our boys)**_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):** listen up mortals_

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  good evening to you too_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**   hush, mulligan. i'm planning._

_**sick burrn bro**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  not that im not glad to be, but why am i here_

_**little red riding hood** to sob (save our boys): because we're saving our boys_

_france to sob (save our boys): well that clears everything up_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys)** : maybe if you just gave me a chance to explain?  
_

_**best woman ever literally the loml** to  **sob (save our boys)** : maybe if you just gave me a chance to explain?    
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys)** : woah we're so in sync    
_

_**mr president**  to sob (save our boys): i thought you were explaining, maria_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  YES i am  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**   my boy is suffering  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  laf, herc. our boy is suffering  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  eliza, george, burr. your boy is suffering_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  and i'm not just going to sit around and watch them unravel  
_

_**best woman ever literally the loml** to  **sob (save our boys)** : okay_ _  
_

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  what do you mean_ _  
_

_**france to sob (save our boys):** we can't exactly just get them back together_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  i know_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  but you all saw them at lunch today. they were trying so hard to make it seem like they were okay and they're not._

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  and i know it's not going to happen overnight, but we need to find some sort of way for them to be comfortable around each other again._ _  
_

_**mr president**  to  **sob (save our boys)** : what're you thinking?_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  i think they need time apart first_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  they need to know that we're okay with letting them having that time because i think they're far too worried about us and they're not thinking about themselves_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  well, i know full well that's what john's thinking and i have a strong suspicion that alexander is too._

_**best woman ever literally the loml** to  **sob (save our boys)** : yeah._ _  
_

_**sick burrn bro**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  what do you need from us, then?_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  i don't know. maybe we can do stuff that separates them? like, laf & hercules make sure that john keeps going to practice. the more he plays baseball the less he's thinking too much. _ _  
_

_**mr president**  to  **sob (save our boys)** :  i've actually been thinking about giving alex more stuff on the council_ _  
_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  do it. they need it. _ _  
_

_**france to sob (save our boys):** i'm sure eliza can find something for alexander to do as well_ _  
_

_**best woman ever literally the loml** to  **sob (save our boys)** : i'll think of something_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  good. and for the love of all that is holy, keep them away from their text conversations as much as possible. the last thing they need is to fall down that rabbit hole._

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  you got it._ _  
_

_**france to sob (save our boys):** and on that note, your friendly neighborhood european is going to sleep. night guys!!!!!!!!!!_

_**best woman ever literally the loml** to  **sob (save our boys)** : i'm going to bed, speak to you guys tomorrow x_ _  
_

_**sick burrn bro**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  that was oddly synchronised_

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  careful, kids. things like this start rumours that you're sleeping together ;););)))))))_

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  hercules u are clearly not focused on saving our boys and i don't know how useful you'll be if youre not._ _  
_

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  shut up, maria. everyone knows i love my boys._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: woah this chapter is v v text heavy, sorry guys! but, regardless, i hope you enjoy this chapter!! and also, just thought i'd let you know, i have started working on the sequel!!! would you guys want it to be in a separate story or would you want the sequel added on the end of this one? i feel as though another 30 chapters would make this quite heavy to read, but it's up to you guys!
> 
> lots of love as always x


	25. Chapter 25

_**little red riding hood** to  **sob (save our boys):**  hercules u are clearly not focused on saving our boys and i don't know how useful you'll be if youre not._  _  
_

_**john cena**  to  **sob (save our boys):**  shut up, maria. everyone knows i love my boys._

*

"Rise and shine, sweetheart." 

John could swear he'd been alone when he'd crashed in bed the night before - the discarded copy of a poetry analogy and notebook at the side of his bed supported that idea. If anyone else had been in his room, that certainly wouldn't have been there. Yet, somehow, the drapes were open and the breeze and was floating in through his open window and the smell of coffee was wafting around, which was strange because John didn't even like coffee -

" **Mar.** "

\- and  **of course**  it was Maria Reynolds was sitting on the beanbag chair on the other side of the room, holding a takeout Starbucks cup in one hand and a half eaten croissant in the other.

"How did you even..." He groaned, reaching under his pillow to pull out his phone.

"It's  **7AM**."

"I know."

"It's  **Saturday.** "

"I  **know**. That's why I brought you breakfast." She gestured to his bedside cabinet. John raised his head just enough to look across to where she was pointing - sure enough, there was a mug of tea (that was still steaming hot, Maria must have timed this pretty well) and a slice of peanut butter on toast there. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, he sighed exasperatedly.

"Did you pick out my clothes for me as well?"

"No. I would never want to mess with your impeccable fashion sense, how dare you accuse me of that?" Despite himself, John snorted with laughter, taking the mug off the cabinet and taking a drink.

"So, how'd you get in here?"

"Your mom was on the early shift so I waited outside for her to come out and she showed me where the spare key is."

"Mom... starts work at 5 when she's on the early shift. How long were you waiting?" Maria shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"Because I'm worried about you, John." John shook his head, pushing back the covers and getting out of bed, making for the stairs.

"Maria, it's okay." He ran a hand through his hair as Maria followed him, sitting on one of the steps halfway up as he entered the bathroom.

"Is it?"

"It will be." Even from another room, John could practically  **hear** Maria roll her eyes. "Don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"All high and mighty and 'I know what's best for you'." 

"But... I do." His toothbrush muffled his next reply.

"Yeah, I know you do, but just once, it would be nice for me to be right." He heard her giggle. There was a pause and then she spoke again.

"Look, Nate Pendleton's having a party later." John spat the toothpaste in his mouth into the sink with a groan.

"Shit, is that today?" 

"Yes, and we're going."

"But -"

"No. We're going. You haven't been out in like a month."

"More like two weeks."

"Still a long time. For you." John snorted, emerging from the bathroom. He didn't reply to Maria, instead choosing to step over her to get back into his room and throw on some clothes.

"You know you want to go."

"I know."

"Then what's stopping you?" Sighing, he took a seat at the top of his stairs, looking down at Maria, who had turned to sit with her back against the wall so she could half-face him.

"I don't know, Mar. It's just..."

"You're wallowing."

"Yeah." He shook his head, pulling his hair back into a hairtie. "And I don't know if I'm ready to stop yet."

*

"For fuck's sake." John muttered it under his breath, but it wouldn't have mattered if he'd yelled it, really. The music was loud enough that he was pretty sure he could start shouting how much he didn't want to be there at the top of his lungs and he would barely get a look in.

How Maria had persuaded him to come to this place was beyond him. He wasn't even drunk, yet, and he'd been there for over two hours already - a personal record for him at parties. He didn't even know the host that well, Nathaniel Pendleton was on the student council with George, he was pretty sure.

And he was friends with Alex as well.

But tonight was about  **not**  thinking about Alex.

Or at least, that's what an already tipsy Angelica had told him a couple of minutes after he'd been all but dragged through the door by Maria.

"Hey, Laurens." John looked up, almost choking on the beer he was taking a sip of as he was joined on the sofa by a presumably hammered Charles Lee.

"Lee."

"What're you doing here? Thought you were off the market now." Rolling his eyes, John adjusted himself to create a marginal amount of space between the two of them.

"What, so that means I can't come to parties anymore?" Charles shrugged, reaching behind him for one of the couch cushions to prop himself up on.

"No, but you don't normally."

"I come to some parties."

"Not as many as you used to."

"Well, I used to make mistakes at parties, didn't I, Lee?" There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and John looked down at his hands. For the briefest time, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a dash of guilt run through him about Charles Lee. When John spoke again, it was in as low of a voice that he could manage given the circumstances of the party.

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay." Charles waved it off, grabbing another bottle out of the hands of a passing person with apparent disregard to who's it was meant to be. John drained his own before replying.

"And, anyway, I guess I'm back on the market now, so."

"You and Hamilton broke up?" He seemed genuinely surprised about it.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago."

"Hey, man, I'm sorry." When John didn't respond, Charles nudged him with his knee before sitting up to lean closer so he could be heard more easily.

"Seriously, I am. I mean, I don't really like that guy -"

"You asked me if he was single a couple of days after we first... well, first spoke about getting together."

"Yeah, but I just wanted to piss you off." The guilt miraculously disappeared as John looked back up at him.

"Nice, Lee."

"I know." Charles chuckled, patting John on the arm lightly.

"Anyway, what I was saying was that, I don't really like that guy but... you guys actually seemed good together. What happened?" John shrugged, biting his tongue and looking away. He  **really** didn't want to cry at a party - especially if he couldn't even blame it on being drunk.

"Just didn't work out, I guess. Stuff doesn't sometimes."

"No, it would seem not. Bit like us, really." Scoffing, John looked back at Charles. He seemed pretty serious.

"We were never together, though. Well, not really."

"No, true... Why is that?"

"Because you were obnoxious and loud and stubborn and I could never get you to compromise for anything?" As soon as he'd closed his mouth, John realised exactly who he was describing.

"Sounds like your type to me."

"Alex pulls it off better than you."

"Oh, yeah?" John almost laughed at how mock offended Lee sounded. Almost. 

"Wow, John Laurens, did I just see you crack a smile at me?"

"Don't take it for granted, it won't happen again."

"Funny, you've said that about a lot of things regarding me before."

"Shut up."

"In fact, I seem to recall you banishing me to the pits of Satan and never wanting to speak to me again." 

_Okay, so this time maybe he did actually laugh._

"Shut  **up** , Lee."

"And yet, here you are. An entire room of potential conversational partners and here you are, on a probably beer stained couch, speaking to me."

"Yeah, and for some reason, I'm starting to regret whatever decisions got me to this point." Charles grinned, pushing his hair out of his face and stretching out across the cushions before sitting back up and managing to close the space John had made.

John had forgotten that Charles was attractive. Too busy trying to hate his guts, he guessed.

"No, you're not." 

He was right though, he  **really** was obnoxious.

"No, I'm not."

And then Charles Lee was kissing him.

Again.

And it wasn't as bad as he remembered. 

It wasn't bad at all, actually.

Maybe it was because John had just remembered that Charles Lee was attractive.

Maybe it was because, that night, for the first time since he'd known him, Charles Lee hadn't been a total dick.

Or, maybe it was because - somewhere, in some part of his brain that he was trying to push out - John was thinking about someone else.

He heard himself mumble something about needing another drink, and a half drunk bottle of vodka was being pressed into his hands as he got into a cab that was taking him to what he assumed was Charles' house.

No wonder Charles was being nice. Vodka must be his downfall.

It sure as hell was John's.

*

**_john: h ey [sent at 03:16]_ **

**_john: alex [sent at 03:16]_ **

**_john: i' msorry [sent at 03:17]_ **

**_john: i did a bad thing [sent at 03:18]_ **

**_john: a really bad thi ng [sent at 03:19]_ **

**_john: i'm sorry [sent at 03:19]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: chapter 25, here you are guys!!! i hope you all had a fabulous christmas/holiday season and i hope that you all are ready for the new year and i hope the most that it's going to be the best one yet!!! as always, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy!!


	26. Chapter 26

**_john: h ey [sent at 03:16]_ **

**_john: alex [sent at 03:16]_ **

**_john: i' msorry [sent at 03:17]_ **

**_john: i did a bad thing [sent at 03:18]_ **

**_john: a really bad thi ng [sent at 03:19]_ **

**_john: i'm sorry [sent at 03:19]_ **

**_alex: what? [sent at 04:05]_ **

**_alex: what did you do? [sent at 04:06]_ **

**_john: a bad thing [sent at 04:07]_ **

**_alex: yes, i understand that [sent at 04:07]_ **

**_alex: where are you? [sent at 04:08]_ **

**_john: in a bed [sent at 04:10]_ **

**_alex: your own bed? [sent at 04:11]_ **

**_john: i don't know [sent at 04:12]_ **

**_john: i don't know where i am [sent at 04:13]_ **

**_john: i;m sorry [sent at 04:13]_ **

**_alex: stop apologising [sent at 04:14]_ **

**_alex: is someone coming to pick you up? [sent at 04:15]_ **

**_john: i don't know1! [sent at 04:15]_ **

**_alex: okay, okay, were you at the party angelica went to? [sent at 04:16]_ **

**_john: yes! she was at the door when i got t here [sent at 04:17]_ **

**_john: but i'm not at that house anymore [sent at 04:18]_ **

**_alex: laf's on his way [sent at 04:45]_ **

*

Sure enough, Lafayette rolled up at about ten past five, to be greeted by a sobbing and drunk John Laurens sprawled on the grass with his back against a garden wall. Surprisingly enough, Eliza was out of the passenger side door and was running up to him before Lafayette had even turned the headlamps off.

"You're not Laf." John murmured, reaching out to squeeze Eliza's forearm in apparent confusion of her existence.

"He's making sure he's 'legally' parked."

"What a  **nerd**." Squinting, John looked past Eliza to where Lafayette was approaching the two of them. "'Legally' parking."

"He's a nerd that's coming to pick you up, be grateful." He flinched at Eliza's tone, his drunken haze perceiving it as sterner than it really was.

"Don't shout at me."

"I'm not." She looked up as Lafayette crouched down next to her.

"Hey, Laurens. Fancy getting in the car?"

"Only if it's  **legally** parked." He snorted with laughter at himself as Lafayette hooked his arms under John's shoulders and hoisted him up. "Ooft."

"Shut up and get in the car."

"Feels like I don't really get a choice, man."

"You don't."

*

"Ah,  _fuck_."

John had had hangovers before, don't get him wrong.

But this was a whole new experience.

"Such profanities."

Somewhere, probably close by but what sounded to John very far away, Lafayette spoke to him. He just turned and buried his face in a pillow.

"Shut up, Laf."

"I invite you into my home and this is the thanks I get?"

"More like you dragged me in against my will."

"You were in no position to argue." Squinting, John raised his head to look over at his friend, who was sitting in his desk chair across the room from him, reclining ever so slightly with a look of careful neutrality on his face.

"Time is it?"

"Half 2. I would ask if you want a shower but Alex'll be here in about five minutes so dragging a brush through your hair might have to do."

John immediately sat bolt upright, and then immediately regretted it - although he wasn't sure if the sick feeling that overwhelmed him was due to the hangover or the anxiety. 

"What? Why is he -?"

"Because I asked him to."

" **Laf** -!"

"What?!" Lafayette stood, picking up a bottle of water from his desk and throwing it at John.

"Would you have?" John looked down, fumbling with the bottle cap for a couple of seconds to give himself some time to think of an answer that wouldn't prove Laf right.

"No." Okay, so he wasn't that great at thinking under pressure.

"No. And he wouldn't have made the first move to talk about it either, would he? And you need to, so -" The doorbell rang and John's heart fell out of his body. And it must have shown on his face, because Lafayette looked at him for a long time with a somewhat sad expression before he turned to leave the room and answer the door.

It was all John could do to tie his hair back into a somewhat neat ponytail and gulp down about half of the bottle of water before the bedroom door opened again.

Except, obviously it wasn't Laf this time.

"You look terrible."

"And you say the sweetest things."

"Ha." There was silence for a moment while John rubbed his eyes and Alex entered the room fully, taking a seat at Lafayette's desk. Silence had never been this awkward between them, or at least that's what John's half hungover half still drunk mind was telling him.

"So, why'd you come?"

"Laf asked me to."

"You could've said no."

"Okay, so maybe I wanted to see you." John cleared his throat, standing up and wandering over to Lafayette's closet with the intention of putting something on that he hadn't been wearing for the last 24 hours. Also with the intention of avoiding what Alex had just said to him. He already felt guilty enough.

"Right." He was only just pulling one of Laf's shirts off of the hanger and taking some sweatpants out of a drawer when Alex spoke again, and this time, John actually winced at his words.

"How was the party?" He used to love that Alex got straight to be the point, but right now the last thing he wanted was to discuss the events of the party. And Alexander knew that, so after it became very clear that John wasn't going to reply, he pushed on.

"Come on, John, we've gotta talk about it."

"Why?" It came out in a harsher tone than he'd intended, but it got his point across. Pulling his own t-shirt over his head, John finally turned to look at Alexander.

"We're not together, Alex." Alexander narrowed his eyes ever so slightly.

"We're still friends though, right?"

"I guess."

"You  **guess**?"

"Alexander -"

"Just..." Alex sighed, gesturing towards him hopelessly. "Put a shirt on will you? I can't have a conversation with your abs, it's distracting."

John paused, trying to think of something clever to say, but gave in and pulled Laf's shirt on and changing out of his jeans into the sweatpants.

"Who was it?"

"Who was what?"

"Who'd you sleep with?" John bit his lip to avoid answering. "John, please. Just tell me."

"Lee." The question Alex was about to ask died in his throat, and John felt the air around him thicken with his confession. That alone was enough to make him turn back to look at the desk where Alexander was sitting - well, he was standing now - and speak.

"I know I shouldn't have."

"I can't tell you what you can and can't do." Something within John stirred at that, and Alex saw it happen.

"I wish I hadn't." Alexander's laugh was mirthless, and it further frustrated John.

"Why did you do it then?"

"I don't  **know.** " It almost came out as a yell, as though everything he'd been holding in escaped him in that exact moment. "Because I was sad and I wanted to feel better? Because I was self destructive and knew it would make it worse? I don't fuckin' know, Alex, I can't explain everything, I'm not  **you.** "

His ears were ringing and red was flashing in his eyes, and John didn't know when he'd gotten so close to Alexander but as soon as he'd finished shouting he stopped and regretted it immediately. Alexander didn't seem to be reacting at all. All he did was take a step away from John and nod.

"Okay. That's fine."

"Alex..."

"It's fine, John. If we're not friends, it doesn't matter, right?"

"I didn't say we weren't - "

"No, but friends don't do their friends over like that. When your friend is going through a breakup, you don't make it worse."

"I think this is a bit of a different -"

"Not the point."

"That's exactly the point?"

"I'm leaving."

And that was how John Laurens found himself standing in the middle of Lafayette's room at quarter to three on a Sunday afternoon wondering exactly how he'd managed to put himself through a breakup with Alexander Hamilton for the second time that month.

**_maria: alex [sent at 20:58]_ **

**_maria: you gotta come to the hospital, now [sent at 20:58]_ **

**_maria: i know you guys had a fight but john's in trouble and i think he needs you [sent at 20:59]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: oh hey.
> 
> i'm back finally. 
> 
> i'm very very sorry for the terrible lack of updates but school really caught up to me!! BUT DON'T WORRY i'm back!!!
> 
> AND i've had a recent discovery of Heathers: The Musical so I'm thinking of writing something to do with that alongside this!
> 
> if you're still here thanks for sticking with me! and if you've just arrived, welcome to hell, i'm the worst updater in the entire world. you're gonna love it.


	27. Chapter 27

**_maria: alex [sent at 20:58]_ **

**_maria: you gotta come to the hospital, now [sent at 20:58]_ **

**_maria: i know you guys had a fight but john's in trouble and i think he needs you [sent at 20:59]_ **

*

"When's the last time you spoke to him?"

"When we fought on Sunday -  **hey! My right of way, jackass!** " Maria jumped, holding the phone at arm's length away from her ear as Alexander shouted at something she couldn't see - presumably a driver that had just cut him off. He'd called her as soon as he'd got in his car and had been stuck in traffic trying to get to the hospital for the last ten minutes.

"Three days? You guys didn't even talk at school?"

"No, I - What was I supposed to say to him?" She knew that the anger in his voice wasn't directed at her, or at John for that matter, but that didn't stop her from retaliating.

"Sorry, maybe?"

"Well, I wasn't sorry then."

"Oh, but now he's had his head caved in, you are?" Alexander didn't reply for a long moment, and Maria almost put the phone down on him thinking that they'd been disconnected.

"You said it wasn't that bad."

"I know -"

"You said he was conscious."

"He was."

"He's not now?"

"I don't  **know** , no-one's telling me anything. Had to tell them I was his girlfriend just so they would let me in." Despite the worry that was lacing both of their tones, Maria heard Alexander snort with laughter from down the phone.

"Have fun with that one when he wakes up. What're we gonna tell them I am?" 

"You can be his best friend."

"Okay, fine - wait, why didn't  **you** just say that you were his best friend?" 

*

In the least cliched way possible, the first thing John thought when he woke up was that the room was spinning. Well, the light above his bed was because that was what he was looking at as he woke up, and that was what made him squint to try and focus on making everything less hazy. But, he was pretty sure that the headache wasn't because of the light, because he had sure as hell never had a headache like this before. Pushing himself into somewhat of a sitting position, the room finally became somewhat clear and John made the assessment that he was still in the hospital. 

He remembered checking himself into the ER last night after the 'talk' he and Lee were supposed to have went very sour very quickly.

It was his own fault, really. John knew he was hopeful,  **blindly**  hopeful, to believe that Charles was just going to take the rejection well - or at least well enough that the two of them wouldn't have to argue and be at odds every time they passed each other in the corridors. But what he hadn't counted on was Charles being incredibly hammered on  **whiskey** of all things - something known to pretty much the entire party-going population of their school to be kept away from Lee, who went from snarky to violent the minute he even caught a whiff.

So when he swung for him in the middle of a Walgreens parking lot where, for some reason Charles was getting drunk, John didn't think to retaliate until he'd already been knocked back a fair few steps. Couple of punches in, and John realised he wasn't going to win, that he should take his potentially broken knuckles and the bruise that was blooming spectacularly on Charles' face and leave while he could.

Luckily, he had had his car - and although his head had been pounding and his vision was somewhat skewed so he knew he probably shouldn't be driving - so John had no trouble outrunning Charles out of that place. If he'd let himself, he might've felt a tiny bit guilty for just leaving him there, after all, he'd been injured too. But then the splitting pain in his head began again and he forgot all that.

Just as he'd swung his legs out of the hospital bed to go and try and find someone he knew, a nurse that looked as tired as he felt came breezing through the door.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Miss Reynolds has been asking about you incessantly." John half smiled, sliding his legs back into his bed at the nurse's pointed look.

"Sounds like her. Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course, I'll just -"

"John!" As though she'd been listening through the wall (she probably had), Maria burst into the room with a cup of something in one hand and her bag slung over her shoulder. Before John could even say hi, or anything really, she'd placed the cup on the bedside cabinet and dropped her bag on the floor before she flung herself onto him, kissing him on the lips briefly.

_I think I'm missing something._

Before the nurse could protest too loudly about Maria potentially damaging her patient even further, she had moved to hug him so she could whisper in his ear extremely quickly.

"Remember, Laurens, I'm your girlfriend of a year and two months and you love me very much. You took me to homecoming this year and it was magical because we're both homecoming court royalty, we have lots of great sex and my parents love you because you held the door open for me."

"What -"

"Because, remember, this place is technically family only and most people don't believe good looking jocks and cheerleaders who say they're just friends, because remember, everyone's straight in our circles."

"Ah."

"Miss Reynolds, please." Maria released John, smiling brightly at the nurse who looked almost affronted at this display of affection.

"Sorry, ma'am." 

*

It only took about ten minutes for John to stop laughing at Maria's ideas of what they would be like as a couple (which she continued to elaborate even after the nurse had left), and by that time another hospital worker stuck their head through the door to tell them both that there was a boy called Alexander at the front desk who was demanding to be let in. John wasn't surprised that Maria had called him - not really. And he couldn't really say he was angry about it.

More like relieved.

Something Alexander clearly wasn't when he opened the door to his hospital room.

"Alex -"

"You really fucking scared me." His tone shut John up immediately, kind of in the way that a teacher's voice could silence a whole classroom at once. It was deadpan enough that, to people that didn't know them well, it could be perceived as an act put on to intimidate them. But John did know Alex, and he knew that the dread that underlined those five words was anything but fake.

And he also knew that it was his fault.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just don't -" Alexander breathed out heavily, and it seemed as though it was the first time that he'd remembered to breathe for a while. "- don't go around getting beaten up in drugstore parking lots, okay? Or... in any place, really." John chewed on his lip for what felt like eternity and, when Alex made no indication that he wanted to speak, he gestured towards the bed he was still sitting in.

"Sit down."

"I don't want to sit -"

"Alex. Please, just... I don't like it when you  **hover**  in places." Through his gritted teeth, Alexander let out a laugh that John could almost say was a start to resolving things.

"I don't  **hover.** "

"Yeah, you do, you're doing it right now. Makes me anxious." Another laugh, and then a pause, and then he dragged his feet along the floor, but actually did take a seat on the bed. He picked at the bedsheets for a moment before he finally met John's eye.

"Hear you and Maria are still going strong." John actually did laugh at that.

"Yeah, coming up on 15 months, so I've heard."

"Congratulations."

"I'm not sure when I should tell her I'm gay, though, mind. Might kill the whole mood."

"You're gay?" Alexander was speaking louder now, and John knew that he should probably tell him to quieten down in case one of the nurses heard. But they were talking, in a relatively normal way, and he wasn't about to ruin that. He dropped his gaze as Alex continued. "I don't know, man, I've never really gotten that vibe from you, you know?"

"Well, that was the point. Make it not noticeable."

"And you got the hottest girl in school in on the facade just to seal the deal. Very clever."

"Thank you." The room was comfortable now, in a way that a room with the both of them in hadn't been for a while and John was incredibly thankful for it - for however long it lasted.

"I'm serious, though, John. You scared me." John looked up at him again, and whatever humour had just been in his voice was no longer readable in Alexander's face.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just... why did you do it?"

"Well... he punched me so I punched him -"

"No. Why did you sleep with him? Again."

John would rather have been punched again than have to answer that. But, surprisingly, the question didn't frustrate him like it had at Lafayette's house. Maybe he just didn't have enough energy left to be frustrated.

"Because... I missed you." There was a pause in which John could swear that he could  **hear** the wheels turning in Alex's brain.

"You missed me... so you had sex with someone else?" Okay, that sounded pretty bad, even John could admit that.

"Well, I mean, couldn't exactly have sex with you, could I?" Alexander scoffed, shrugging in a way that could've been dismissive if John didn't know better.

"I don't know how much self control you think I have. You could have."

He'd thought about it. 'Bonus night' was a thing, so he'd heard from Hercules. He'd thought about going to Alex's or inviting him over to his just  **one last time,**  just to get it out of his system. To get Alexander out of his system, so to speak. But he'd flaked - every single time the rational side of him won over and he deleted the number he was about to dial or the text he was about to send and gone back to whatever he had been doing before.

"But..." John sighed. "... I couldn't have. That wouldn't have helped either of us get over -"

"I don't want to get over you."

For the first time in a long time, something hopeful flickered in John's chest. It died almost as soon as it came, though; he had a strange, sick feeling in his stomach that was telling him that Alex was only saying this because of the fact that John was in hospital.

"You broke up with me."

"I shouldn't have." It was then that Alexander dropped eye contact and that Maria opened the door, the look on her face knowing full well that she'd interrupted something and was regretting it.

"Um... your mom's here and she's signed the forms so you can go home."

"Okay." John replied softly, eyes following her as she left the room before they flickered back to Alex, who was still looking anywhere that wasn't him. His rational side lost for a second as he leaned forward to take his hand. "Hey. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I'll come to yours after school's finished and we can talk."

*

**_alex: okay, so i can't wait till tomorrow [sent at 00:05]_ **

**_alex: don't freak out but i'm kind of outside your house [sent at 00:06]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: hmmmm i'm not too sure how i feel about this chapter, but i think that's just me having reread it so many times that i lost touch with whether or not it's actually any good. fun fact, this was one of the first chapters i ever drafted after the first one - it was meant to be earlier in the story but then, when i drafted the breakup chapter (straight after I did this one) i decided i wanted it after that instead and here it is in the last third of the story!
> 
> getting towards the end now guys ooooooo
> 
> lots of love x

**Author's Note:**

> AN: hey!! this is kind of a tester chapter, to see if anyone wants to read it. if i get good feedback from this, i'll continue writing it, but i have to warn you all, before you get too invested, i'm notoriously bad for updating my fanfics. so, my plan is to write as many chapters while i can, to stock up, and depending on feedback, i'll organise an updating schedule. thank you for reading this, and if you got as far as the author's note, thank you even more! let me know where it is you want me to go with this story, and let's just see how everything goes. who knows, this might even be the first multi-chap i finish.


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